They are able to hurt any little thing: the usual opinion, the intonation of the interlocutor, quite neutral words... Why do such people literally take everything into account?
"I'm always worried if two stop talking when I walk into the room," says 32 — year-old Anastasia, " it seems like they've been talking about me all this time. And, of course, only bad!"Such mistrust arises as a manifestation of man's deep-seated feeling that he is being constantly rejected. Painful and obsessive, it generates an inadequate response to what is happening.
The fear of nothingness
One who feels rejected, abandoned or experiencing a lot of negative emotions. If I "do not want", then, among people you don't want me, I don't exist. The slightest resentment makes such a person feel humiliated, helpless, useless. He begins to perceive reality through the prism of bitter experiences: any gesture or accidental word turns out to be an arrow launched right into the heart. "Fear to experience humiliation again hinders communication with other people, increasing the tendency of a person to take everything at his own expense, to conceive the hidden motives of the most innocent words and actions of other people." And the person gets into a vicious circle, endlessly saves offense, becomes resentful and suspicious.
Distorted messages
"One evening, my friend closed her phone in the kitchen," says 42 — year-old Paul. - I was absolutely sure she was hiding something from me. In fact, she agreed on employment with a future employer... "" as a rule, immediately, without asking explanations, draw conclusions from those who lived since childhood in an atmosphere of understatement, surrounded by vague messages, the values of which at that age were not completely clear — continues Sergey Kharitonov. — A child who cannot ask a question because it is not accepted or frowned upon in his family, have to guess what you mean really. As an adult, he may continue for days and weeks wondering what is meant randomly thrown someone the word." But these traits are acquired not only in childhood: they can be the result of a series of psychological injuries received in adulthood.
Sofia, 35 years old.
"Since my childhood I have never been sure what other people think about me. Were often convinced that they're laughing at me that I dressed like I was going through this injustice and continued to hold it in, feel outcast and ashamed. But one day I met my future husband. It all started with a misunderstanding. At a corporate party, he came up to me and, angry, said: "Oh, I did not look for you..." and, seeing what my face immediately became, began to ask what happened. Suddenly, I admitted that it was his phrase so touched me. He explained that the company recently and just simply looking for someone from the PR Department. And then he invited me to dance. In my head something clicked: it's time to finally stop feeling like a target! Since then, if I Wake up in resentment, I jokingly ask people to tell me what they really meant, or myself come up with two or three possible explanations, not having any relation to me."
Council:
Are you annoyed by someone's resentment? Avoid conflict-it will only lead to a deadlock. You should help this man to look into the eyes of reality: together, analyze all the possible scenarios (both favourable and Vice versa) the development of the situation, which could to hurt him. Encourage his sense of self-esteem, make compliments. Be absolutely sincere: with those who tend to interpret any situation negatively, it is very important to talk openly and sincerely, so that the interlocutor does not have the slightest doubt in understanding your words and intentions.
Traps of the imagination
"Sister, her husband never loved me — says 35-year-old Tanya. - I was sure she whispered something to his eyes, turned him against me. Trying to figure it out, I overheard their phone calls several times, watched his e-mail. Nothing concrete found, but my experiences have only intensified..." Tanya tormented my suspicions, and myself and my husband — and in the end their marriage broke up. "Such people often direct all their energy to confirm their suspicions, to expose, not to find a way to strengthen relations. Misinterpreting the words and actions of others, they build a life guided by their own thoughts." Basing their behavior on such a shaky Foundation, it is difficult not to get trapped, and the results are natural: a man with his hands destroys relations.
What to do?
Get out of the situation.
Instead of experiencing it alone with yourself, try to understand what happened to the person who hurt you. Explain to him exactly how you understood what he said or what he did. Frankly tell him that usually tend to interpret what happened in a negative way — no doubt he will appreciate your desire to change something.
Take a look.
Put yourself in the place of another person to assess what is happening and from his point of view. You will make sure that most of the time his attention is not focused on you, that his behavior does not depend on you, and most importantly — he has no special intention to hurt you or humiliate. Use your sensitivity to the words of others to understand the position of another person and calmly hear criticism.
Redefine the past.
Go back to the origins of its vulnerability: what events awakened this line of your character? Remember them and try to assess the current look. Are those old events still important to you? Do you want to build your life without making it dependent on them? If so, you should try to get rid of their power without taking any reminder of the past into account.
