Adoption is a great opportunity for people who can not have children in a biological way. It constitutes a different way of accessing maternity and paternity, creating a bond as consistent filiation as part of biological paternity. On the other hand, the adoption process is part of the decision of the parents to start a long way, with some obstacles that are worth analyzing before starting to move forward.
Adoptive parents not only exercise the role of caregivers, their generosity and desire to transmit love is an opportunity to leave a mark on their life. Adopting means recognizing as a child that which is not biologically so as to form a family.
It is normal that there are doubts and fears founded from the first moment of this complex process. The insecurity of the adoptive parents leads them to ask questions and to have mixed feelings: "Will I know how to be a good father or mother?" "Will I get him to love me?" "Will we end up really being a family?"
One of the fears most shared by adoptive parents is that their child does not feel loved as if they were a biological child; On the contrary, it is likely that the child feels the same fears and therefore, needs adults, parents, who are sure of what they do, their feelings and the decisions they make so that the child feels really protected. In this sense, you do not need parents who do not have doubts, but who hold that moment of doubt with serenity.
Adoption: thoughts to keep in mind
According to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, adoption is not a tool to solve a fertility problem or a will to father, but is a measure of protection of abandoned children, their right to have a family and the obligation of the administrations to provide that family with the minor.
Adopting is not a decision that should be taken lightly
The first question that parents who have made the decision to adopt must answer is as simple as it is profound: Why do you want to adopt a child? What are the reasons or motives that support your decision.
From this moment begins a hard road of bureaucracy, with different evaluations in which the parents have to show that they are the ideal candidates to receive that child. Their lives will be analyzed in a thorough way with the sole intention of finding the best family for the boy or girl, leaving in the background, the anxiety or stress that this can generate in the future parents.
A premise that must be taken into account is that adoption is a long process and, in many cases, difficult to face. The professionals who are in charge of processing this procedure must go deeper into diverse topics such as work, friendships or the way of being of the prospective adoptive parents.
Applicants often find the questions, interviews or inquiries about their lives excessive (something that nature does not do when we decide to have a child). At this point it is important to pull patience and not lose sight of the ultimate goal, adoption. On the other hand, interviewers who are responsible for this task should have sufficient sensitivity to identify those insurmountable obstacles that can be overcome by attitude, intelligence and certain resources that can be incorporated at any given time.
Prepare for previous interviews
The intense desire of parents to have their child as soon as possible makes the adoption process too long. Ultimately, the criteria sought by adopters, however unfair and subjective they may seem, are governed by laws established by international conventions, which, if viewed as a whole, have their logic within the framework of uncertainty surrounding the problem. of adoption and childhood.
In the previous interviews we asked about the motivations that lead the applicant to adopt, we investigated about the couple's relationships, the structure of their personality, their physical condition and their ability to consolidate and develop the adoptive relationship.
Adoption is not a charity
Of course, adoption is not a work of charity! Both parents and adoptive children have gone through complicated emotional states until they have been found. It is a project together, not a big favor. Of an illusion, above the load that a son can represent at a certain moment.
The wish of the parents is fulfilled from the moment they have their little one at home. This intermediate point - never final, because there is still much work to be done - is so important, it comes after having already overcome some obstacles. For example, the one we mentioned earlier: to support with a good attitude that a stranger asks very direct and intimate questions.
On the other hand, note that the interest of adoption should always be seen from the perspective of the child. Parents matter, of course. And a lot, but before there is the minor: because he has fewer resources, because he is more unprotected. He is the one who has the right to have parents, a family; not the other way around
Facing a new life
It is difficult to predict how the adopted child will adapt to his new family and his current home. The concept of adaptation is even more complicated when we talk about children coming from other countries, with previous stories and experiences that can influence their adaptation to their new environment.
Contrary to what can be believed at first, adopted children seem to have a good adaptation at a general level, that is, they do not show more difficulties on a personal level, at a social level, at a family level or at a school level, than their children. Same not adopted.
As for new parents, a good option to resolve all your doubts is to link with families that have already adopted and seek support in adoptive parents' associations. It is necessary not to have preconceived ideas about the period of family adjustment after the arrival of the child. It is a passing stage in which it is established (if it has to be established, if things are done well and very slowly), an attachment bond based on love, respect and mutual trust.
"It is not the flesh or the blood, but the heart that makes us parents and children."
-J. Schiller-
