I realize these are my views and possibly mine alone. There are plenty of people who I'm sure would love to disagree with me and would defend their more traditional positions with some intellectual jousting. However, it's not my intention to change anyone's mind as I'm fully aware that my opinions are not much more than a collection of biases I've collected over the years. img src

The way I see it is quite simple. If I get lucky, If I eat right, become more physically active and what have you. I might be able to reach 75 years of age. At the heels of 40, that number does not seem too far away anymore. I'm sure I'm not the only one who experiences this change in perception, but time has either speed up or my ability to collect memories has gotten a little more inefficient as time has progressed.

Added to this perceptual change, I'm told by those who are a lot smarter than me, that the average human spends about a third of his life sleeping. Another third is spent driving to a job, showering, doing meetings, in other words doing someone else's bidding. Having only one third to truly practice personal freedom. I happen to find that reality, that outlook somewhat depressing.

Because, as much as I can understand the system of values and the efficiency it proposes for society. I don't see anything remotely close to relevance and purpose that inspires existence. I grant you, that sounds somewhat tragic, it even sounds as if I'm unwilling to be flexible. But, attempting to be honest about what I've seen and what I've experienced while participating of the system, I find myself understanding more and more the concepts of nihilism. The negative ideas that are evoked by one single question - "What for?"

If I'm to analyze my life with this lense, and understand the value of my time as precious, truly precious. Then what I do or not do starts to have costs that are not easy to calculate with any type of excel sheet I can think of. In other words, giving my time to a cause that is not my own for a specific amount of dollars, should take into consideration the time I'm losing in pursuit of that "financial security" - and please, note the quotation marks.

So what am I to deduce from this? Does it not seem like making 30, 40 dollars an hour while at the same time reducing my already scarce one third of life like I'm giving someone a ridiculous bargain, as if I'm selling my biggest asset, my time, my lifeforce, for nothing.

Of course the answer is personal, and maybe to other people the job they have, the purpose of the mission sort of speak is not too relevant because they value financial security above all. To me, that is a hard pill to swallow, because I don't really know when I get to clock out, because I'm spending the one thing I can't get back my life in a gamble that does not show me all the cards.

That's why when I think about money, the abstract concept of money, that is. I think of the real cost I'm willing to pay to acquire the security I know is not all that safe. Tomorrow I could be gone from this world and the sun would still rise and the moon would still shine. But, there is something I do seek in my journey. A sense of peace, and a sense of purpose.

If I can achieve that while also gain financial fortitude, then I'm willing to pay the cost. I'm willing to turn in my time in exchange for purpose and relevance. Does that make me an idealist? Maybe, but I'm also practicing honesty and in that sense it feels liberating.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to not worry about how I'm going to pay the bills next month just like everyone else. But more importantly, I'm a lot more concerned with the one or two footprints I get to leave behind. I'm more concerned of what I get to do, or not do with that one third I truly get to live.