I'm usually careful when it comes to talking about this subject, partially because I believe that I hold very little in the way of answers. However, there is a certain amount of experience one collects, simply because the clock doesn't stop, and sometimes some of those events are valuable enough to share.

I remember Loneliness

Is such a crazy little word to me. I've been surrounded by people before and at the same time felt completely alone. I've been told I loved you by family members, and at the same time felt forsaken. I've blamed everyone around me for my reality and yet never truly saw the culprit. So my words, my thoughts on this matter come from a deep place in my heart, a distant memory of the man who I used to be.

I won't lie, some of the best songs, some of my best poetry was written when I felt the world had hung me to dry. It was easy for me to grasp those emotions and to take it all out on a guitar. It was almost an act of self defense you could say. After all, I was looking for the universe to answer me all the riddles, I was looking for meaning within myself.

It's a long gone memory now, a whole different version of me, so I really have to try to put my mind back there to be able to feel this song again. One day until Xmas, hours before it was supposed to be a day to rejoice, to share, and there I was alone in my apartment with no one to talk to.

Why am I thinking about this?

Honestly because I have friends who are going through the exact same thing right now. I have friends who I love that feel alone, overlooked and forgotten. I would like to be able to tell them something magical, something that would allow them to pull themselves out of the rut. But.... I lack the words, I lack the wisdom.

My mother used to say all the time that happiness was a choice, she still believes that, but back then those were just words I could not grasp. And here is the thing, I knew, I knew intellectually that is, that I was not alone, that the whole time I had a home I could go to, a friend I could call, a brother who would give me a hug if I needed one.

Thinking back, I have to really ask myself who it was that I was rejecting, when I thought the world was rejecting me. Maybe when I saw a world that had no room for me, I was actually the one rejecting the world, not the other way around. Maybe when I wrote that song, when I was waiting for Xmas to come say hi to my lonely apartment, was only because I said no to many invitations from friends, because I was not ready to not be alone.

What was my search about? What was I looking for? Did I find it? I'm not sure, but I don't think one is supposed to find something. Maybe the only thing that matters is that we get up and start looking, not only for a purpose, not only for love, but also for ourselves.

All I'm trying to say is that I understand loneliness, because I too felt it once... Until the day I discovered I was never actually alone. And you my friend, will as well... you just gotta keep walking.