No matter how much we grow, how much we evolve as a species and as a society, conflict will forever be present. Of course, there are positive aspects to conflict, good reasons to fight for something, for someone, for a cause, but how we tackle the conflict matters just as much as the outcome we desire.
Who is right?
Where do we deposit the energy, the focal point of the problem, and what is the driving force behind our actions, behind our words and communicational attempts to solve it, say a lot about the validity of the conflict.
In other words, if the main reason why I've decided to fight is because I need to walk away with the knowledge that I'm in the right, then maybe, just maybe, I've fallen victim to my own ego and enslaved myself to the false notion of it's importance.
Of course this is anecdotal and as such does not hold macro validity, but I'm yet to find someone who stands in righteousness who is truly happy. This is not to say I wont, because of course as far as I know, there are still many moons I must witness, but up until now when I've found someone gripping with white knuckles to righteous positions, I've found someone who struggles a lot emotionally and even struggles with depression.
It comes down to expectations, to the idea that if do the right thing then by some sort of universal balance, good things should happen to us, but everything about that analysis is flawed, starting from the fact that good in itself is subjective. Who knows if it's good or bad?
It's about the principle
Yes, when I've been on a coaching position, whether being a role model to a child or a boss to an employee, I've used this argument to outline a set of expectations and a behavioral north so to speak.
Doing the right thing should be about the first action, the reconcilement with one's conscience and not about the reaction to the action. If one does something only for the result, for the reward, for the recognition, then more often times that not, we are setting ourselves up for bitter disappointment.
The trophy is not coming
No matter how hard you try to protect your ego, your sense of self, the notion that you are right while everyone else is ignorant of the truth. Nobody will show up at the end of your lifetime to give you a trophy.
"Good job, you were right most of the time, and you really showed people a thing or two about respecting you"
That's the bubble we need to burst, the idea that there is a pot of gold at the end of the emotional rainbow of drama and chaos. This is not to say I don't understand the primal need to react, to defend, to protect one's idea of self worth, but it's important to ask ourselves why we are doing so and possibly more important for who.
If I know what I'm worth, if I work on me, elevate my self image possibly physically, but definitely mentally and emotionally. How would anyone wield enough power to crumble it down to nothing? And if someone does, who gave that person that much power to begin with?
In all honesty I'm not claiming to dominate these notions, to be able to separate myself from the thinned skinned ego that bruises when a friendship is revealed not to be one, when trust is broken, and when ideals are attacked, of course not. All I'm saying is that I make a conscious attempt to be aware and not react flabbergasted when life starts to paint my days with strokes of gray.
Because I know that no matter how much energy I dedicate to this futile quest, the trophy will never come.
