Much like politics religion seems to be a very touchy subject these days. Conversations about it can be really difficult, especially with family when there are opposing ideals.
My parents are hardcore Christians and I, well I am not. When I say hardcore I mean they read bible verses to each other for an hour every morning, they do mission trips constantly, they give a lot to the church and are always praying and "thanking god" for everything. Not that I find that as a bad thing, it's just not my thing. Don't get me wrong they are wonderful people and I am incredibly lucky to have them as parents, we just don't see eye to eye on on religion anymore.
While growing up I went to church every week, I even participated in Sunday school and youth group so I have been a christian and I know what Christianity is all about. However, after serving my first tour in Iraq I had a change of heart about religion in general (but that's a whole other story in itself). To be totally honest I am not religious at all anymore. I wouldn't say I'm an atheist or agnostic either, I honestly don't know exactly what I believe and I'm fine with that, I'm just not going to pretend I know. I do believe in something bigger than all of this, I just don't know if it's a god or the universe or what. Besides, I honestly think not knowing is way more intriguing than thinking we have this shit figured out.
Anyhow, I had an interesting conversation with my father not to long ago. We were talking about religion and that's when he asked me how I planned on getting into heaven. At first I thought he was joking, but when I chuckled I saw the look in his eyes and I realized he was serious. I was honestly dumbfounded. I had made it clear to him plenty of times before that I don't believe in heaven but for some reason he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around that.
I asked him why this amazing life isn't enough? Why does there have to be more after it? Why do people constantly worry about something that may never come to be? I told him I love this life and I will worry about my next one when/if that time ever comes. He didn't like my answers, he said that would be too late.
I asked him why it was so important to him. He said that he didn't want to be in heaven without me and he was concerned that I was going to go to hell if I didn't believe what he believed. I told him I believe I have lived a good life, so if there is a heaven and if his god was just than he would let me in to heaven because he would see that I was a good person in life. He told me that wasn't good enough, I had to believe that Jesus had died for my sins and apologize for them. At this point I asked him if pedophiles, rapists and murderers could get into heaven if they believed and apologized for their sins? He said yes, if the truly mean it anyone can be forgiven for their sins as long as they believe what he believed. So you are telling me is someone who is truly evil can get into heaven for saying sorry but someone who lived a good life but wasn't christian is going to go to hell? I asked. He didn't know what to say because he saw the flaw I pointed out. I told him I personally think that is stupid and don't want to be any part of "that heaven." He didn't like that answer at all.
There are many things about religion that I have always found hard to accept. Maybe because I think differently from most people, or maybe its because I am not good at following the crowd, either way I have questioned everything since I was a child, including religion because so many things don't add up. ie: I have always found it ridiculous that an all-knowing god would only have one correct religion and then make humans choose a religion mostly based on demographics of where you were born and raised to decide if you get into heaven or not. Even as a child I remember asking my pastor what happened to all the other people who die and thought their religion was right but it wasn't? Do they go to hell too? Even if they lived good lives? Why would any God let that happen? That didn't seem right to me, even as a child. And besides, Christianity is only about 1/3 of the world religion, that means 2/3 of people would automatically go to hell? Just like that? Do not pass go, do not collect 100 dollars... I would never get answers for those questions, they just tell me that I was to young to understand. But even as a child things didn't add up to me.
Like most of you I have been told stories since I was a child that turned out not to be true. There was the Easter bunny, then the tooth fairy, and obviously Santa Clause, all of which turned out to be lies. But then we get told unbelievable stories about Jesus and God who have (magic) powers and live in the clouds (aka heaven) and we are just suppose to accept it without question throughout our lives!? Even though every other story we were told was true turned out to be a lie? That seems like the perfect set up for failure.
My father pleaded with me to reconsider my decision about religion. He said if he was wrong about his religion and I was right that the worst case scenario was there was no heaven and when he dies everything just goes black (he has no clue what I believe because he has never bothered to ask). He said worst case scenario if I was wrong and he was right that I would burn in hell forever. (I know this part comes off as rude but he was saying it because he loves me and is truly worried, he was not being rude at all) He asked if I wanted to risk that? I said I would never get scared into being in a religion and that's not something that I believe so it doesn't affect me. He said it would affect me if I was wrong.
I think that many people turn to religion to have that ace in the hole, like back up plan, a just in case it's real thing. I don't think that most of the younger generation even truly believes in religion anymore. If they do they sure don't practice those beliefs on a daily basis in public. I am not hating on religion so much as people as a whole, most people don't even practice the golden rule anymore, or even know what it is for that matter.
I asked how he even knew he had the right religion? He said he just knows. As if that should be enough for me to believe also. That made me laugh. I told him that if I were to "pick a religion" and I "wanted it to be the right one" (yes I seriously did the quotes with my fingers) shouldn't I choose to be Jewish? I mean, Jesus was a Jew. Don't you think the son of god was the right religion? If not wouldn't of Jesus gone to hell? I said sarcastically. At this point he was getting frustrated so I thought it was a good time to change the subject.
We talked about cryptos for a little bit and then I headed out. Nothing had changed, we were no farther than when the conversation was started but I felt bad, like I had let him down. I really wish I could believe what he does, that we will be together forever in the clouds in the sky. But I have lived a very different life with very different experiences than he has so believing that is just not possible for me, not matter how much I want it to be. I honestly don't know if there is a heaven or not, I don't have answers for most of lifes' questions. If he is right and there is a heaven I really hope I can meet him there somehow, but if not I'm ok with that too. As long as I don't have to pretend to believe something I truly don't believe in.
We all have our own journeys in life, don't let anyone change your identity, it's all you have. Believe whatever makes sense to you and makes you happy, because the truth is, no one knows whats next... if anything ;)
Peace, love and all that hippie shit