trying to lure oneself into a suffering state of being, or you can strengthen oneself from the thought.
It is showing you that you still have to strengthen, to let the thought pass without giving it the wrong energy. Don’t look at it with pain. Just be carefull with playing with the thought it might trap you in the web of suffering again.
see it as a self trigger that is connected with a emotion. Don’t attach it to something complicated, it is the suffering that is in need of more.
Train the loving mind.