His chest tightened and tears welled but none fell. Familiar was the case. Even though he did his best to remain out, it always pulled him in and this look into a possible future cut deeply.
When people think of the substance abuse, emotional negatives and lean away from the average of many actors, they think it is because of the fame and fortune and the pressures applied. I do not however, I think most artists suffer these traits and have predilections for behaviours and this is part of the reason they can tap into their creativity. It often comes at a cost.
Heath Ledger was a young fine actor yet, troubled as so many artists are and when he prepared for his role as the Joker, it likely was a preparation he was not in the position to handle. Delving into the mind of a psychopath takes its toll and the prolonged length and on a fragile mind, it likely fractured and broke the foundation on which it rested.
I am not Heath Ledger, I am no artist and I have spent a great deal of time balancing my emotional side by cutting the wiring to physical response. Once upon a time, my emotions would better me and I would be frozen, unable to act or, would move in a flurry yet do nothing of consequence or worse, much harm. Now however, I have tempered the fires to use more effectively and, do less damage.
As a writer, and a thinker, of which I know you are both too; I can appreciate where you had to go to write this. I hope it was not too awful. -
This was a comment I received on a story I had written yesterday. A story about the failure of a father to protect his daughter, a story that led to the little girl's harm at the hands of a person doing his best to protect her, a story I wrote as her little voice echoed back the words. It was not easy to write but, it was important to write it.
Over the years I have found that delving into the darkness is where I find the light and where I can prepare my mind, emotion and body to deal with the hardest of circumstances if they arise. More importantly however, it helps me make changes now so that the future I envisage is avoided and does not come about. For me, it is a meditation and mediation to remove the conflicts and the fears that stop me from acting or encourage me to act poorly. Do not do the same.
I have talked to people over this, I have told them the methods, encouraged them to try but, they should not as it can lead into the most horrible of imaginings, the most hideous of scenes and the scariest part is that there they are, images of my mind, my thoughts. In that darkness, we can discover what we are truly capable of and in that darkness lays cruelty and evil.
For some, it may be too much to bear, too much for a fragile mind to handle unless they are prepared for what they may find and with the way people act upon their emotions, the vast majority are incapable. It is not that they couldn't one day explore but, are they truly ready to see how ugly they could be? It is a view no one but the self can comprehend and it is a position we are not taught how to approach.
We live in a world of relative beauty, splendour and wonder and you may not agree, you may say, "My life is hard, it is difficult, it is filthy". But, you are relatively wrong for you have not explored just how hard, difficult and filthy this world can really be. Be grateful that that is not where we live and those experiences are few and far between.
We think we are strong, we think we are prepared but look deeply inside and you will see how appalling, disgusting and grotesque the world can be and then realise that that world is you. If you dare peek behind the curtain of illusion you will find that we are all the same, part of a whole and no better nor worse than the highest of saints or the lowest of sinners. The difference is how we use what we find to live our lives.
For some, what they find in the darkness is just too hideous a sight to live with, too filled with terror to ever move on from and they try to forget but it gnaws at them like rats on a body, and takes them piece by piece into the darkness to be lost. For others, it is this contrast that makes the light so bright it is the realisation that there are better ways.
It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways. -Buddha
Taraz
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