I spent the day with my daughter as my wife studied away. We went to the grocery store together and talked about many things as she sat in the trolley. When she and I shop, we take our time and look at many things we don't need. This time we went through the toy section and found as many dinosaurs as we could and she wanted to hold each one and asked their names.
It is funny as even though she can talk and understand so much, we can go through the children's section and despite wanting to touch everything, she has never asked for it. She understands the concept of shopping and paying though so I am sure the time is not too far off she realises she can potentially ask for things. Looking through that department reminded me how much useless crap they make for kids that has no educational value.
She is growing so fast and each day she is learning enough that I am continually amazed by her skills. I flick through pictures like this one here and wonder how she could have ever been so helpless because I don't remember her ever seeming so. Despite all of the challenges, she has never come across as fragile.
It is a difficult thing to explain perhaps but even though she is just over two years old, she seems much older than her age. Perhaps all parents feel this way but I find myself talking to her in ways much more advanced than I do with the kids of friends around the same age. I am curious where it will lead.
I have a sense that she is going to mentally mature faster than other children and as a result be somewhat separated from those around her age. Already she is spending her playground time at daycare with the children a year or two older than her and they welcome her in. Kids don't have hangups about age, they care more about ability and since she can blend in with their games, she fits into their groups.
The challenge and perhaps fear is that at some point in the future she is going to outgrow me before I am ready to be outgrown. I am hoping to become the embarrassing father with the antiquated view of the world much earlier than I hope. Of course, I also how this happens early but being rendered useless in a child's eyes is unlikely to be a comfortable or pleasant feeling.
One day in what I feel is the not too distant future she is going to walk away and look over her shoulder and wonder how she could have come from me. How someone so developed can come from someone so simple and she will have the feeling that she is who she is despite me, not because of me.
Although it will break my heart it is also the way it should be. As is said, our children are not our children, although they come from us, they are not of us. She must find herself, find out who she is and become all she can be without fearing losing the tether to her past or that if she is different to her parents, she will lose us.
It isn't easy working tirelessly for someone else aiming to make yourself redundant one day, especially when you know that when that day comes, it is going to year you apart. A parent's success is essentially to kill the parent so the child is capable, skilled, strong and willing to live life on their own terms with all the responsibility and consequence that comes with it.
At this point, what becomes of the parent? I guess that is my responsibility to discover when that day arrives. I won't be looking over my shoulder at her though, I suspect I will be looking forward into the distance and am unsure if I will even have the sight to see her.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
(posted from phone)