As I write this introduction thinking about our passion for pain and ungratefulness for bliss, I blast Jodeci into my ears and find the most interesting thoughts to write on here. The R&B genre might come off as merely an anthem for anything simply sexual, yet I digest the lyrics and rhythm like food, not just for my lustful soul but also for this mind of mine that constantly seeks reality, and I am again nourished with sense of life's absurdity.

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Can You Stand the Rain?

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[Verse 1]
On a perfect day, I know that I can count on you
When that's not possible
Tell me can you weather the storm?

New Edition's Can You Stand the Rain is now playing, and I start to think not of that "What if shit happens, will you still be with me?" relationship drama but of the fact that even we ourselves fail to answer the same question for our own sake with a yes. We lose ourselves in conflict and consume too much when we are in an ideal place.

Sure, the positive energy we have when we are in a good situation seems like it's supposed to be utilized at its greatest, yet in that process of such indulgence we throw away the meaning of meaning, drop the depths of our humanity as we dive into deep emptiness. We lose ourselves gradually. On the other hand, in conflict, we lose ourselves in our search for happiness we usually don't even reflect on but just conceptualize out of rough influences.

So what's the rain we have to stand in all of that?

Basically, the rain one has to stand is the fact that our relationship with conflict is never-ending. The perfect day is a concept we have to wisely create for our own interest and circumstances, for the conflicts that arise with or without that proper plotting will always never fail to make one question themselves of their ability to handle it (and that is yet another problem waiting to grow).

[Chorus]
Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me baby can you stand the rain?
Storms will come
This we know for sure (This we know for sure)
Can you stand the rain?

Not everyone enjoys a bright day, or maybe if they do, they haven't had it enough yet. Life with perfectly bright rays blind the person of the goodness of that whole life itself that they seek obstacles that are unnecessary. Once, I attended church and met the daughter of one of the pastors there. She shared that her life has always been at peace with both her parents guiding her to the "righteous path" which caused her to take different paths that made her parents lose their trust on her. She said, she felt that her life seemed to straight or dull that she was driven to do something to spice it up in a definitely subconsciously consuming motive for flavor in life.

Now, she does not exactly regret what she did, but she said that it didn't really do anything she wanted. Her ungratefulness for peace may have stolen her appetite for life while the desired flavor never added up.

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Who Can I Run To?

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[Verse 1]
As I stand here contemplating
On the right thing to decide
Will I take the wrong direction
All my life, where will I go
What lies ahead of me?

Xscape's Who Can I Run To is a very "I have love troubles" kind of song, yet whenever I listen to the first part with the lyrics as quoted above, I just can't help but be reminded of the directionless nature of our lives. In that context, the lyrics become this almost depressing inquiry of what is out there, what is right and wrong, and what should we really do. I have stopped questioning myself those but when the song started playing, I just thought of it again--am I in the right track?

Finally, I can answer with a fast yet still not a hundred percent self-approved affirmation. I know where to go, but I don't know what's in there, and it doesn't discourage me. It rather amuses me how people shame others for meeting a stranger from apps like Tinder when we live all our lives dealing with uncertainties especially about our future that such activity does not really differ despite its allegedly "more conscious" nature. That example of hypocrisy in us represents a bigger picture here--we hate how life fucks us up that we shame others for wanting to be fucked in a good way and getting it through such an "easy" medium when we go through all the most difficult things only to be fucked in a bad way most of the time.

It shows how we are all aware of life, ironically turning us into subconsciously shaming pricks on others' business. We want to be in others' shoes because we don't want ours, yet that unsatisfied desire, obviously because it is impossible, does turn us into aggressive unnecessary critiques. The idea that there may or may not be anything lying ahead of us surely messes our heads like this that this is what we end up running to all the time, and not even a lot of us can see it.

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Earphones Off

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With my earphones now off, I can hear the sound of present again--it's a noise that is supposed to be music coming from the shallowness of the chats of people in this coffee shop. They are all talking about who did what or who did who, not why and how things or people do what they do. I can't hate them for that very same thing even I is somehow guilty of, yet I can't also applaud us all for such thing. However, all I know is I can't support music that doesn't have a sense of intimacy.

• Man in rain
• Woman in rain
• Running lady
• Life