It starts with pain. A lot of pain. You have to fall out of love in order to fall back in it, unfortunately. Maybe it was a person, maybe it was a job, maybe it’s just yourself that you have forgotten how to love. Either way, these are the hardest of days to cope with. You’ll wake up and try to chant some mantra to yourself to get out of bed like “There’s nothing I can’t do.” Instead, you’ll get stuck on those first two words like a torturous internal loop until you cocoon yourself back into the covers and say you’ll try again later.
You’ll watch your old favorite movie, or read your old favorite book, or listen to your old favorite song. It’ll be the same but the pieces of life that happened in between the last time you watched/read/listened will make the experience completely different. You’ll marvel at how some things stay the same while others don’t and an ounce of clarity will seep into your mind that these things you are feeling now will not last forever. Maybe you’ll text an old friend you haven’t seen in a while and remember when your days were consumed by this friendship and closeness. You’ll appreciate the fact that you can stay in touch so easily with so many wonderful people and you might find no matter how lonely you feel, you really are not alone.
You’ll spend some time with your best friends and notice how beautiful they are when they’re laughing. You’ll realize how alive they make you feel when you’re happy and how gentle they are when you’re sad and you’ll just thank whatever higher power might exist that brought you together because you honestly cannot imagine going through life without them.
You might do something for someone else and catch the smallest glimpse of the amount of work, effort, patience, and understanding your parents/guardians must have gone through to raise you. You’ll realize there has been so much done for you that you don’t even realize or remember and it might make you think twice before deciding this life isn’t really worth living.
You’ll go outside, not because you have to, because you want to. You’ll see how much bigger this world is than you and your problems. You’ll listen to someone else’s problems and admire their strength. You’ll get inspired to dig deep and find your own strength.
One day, things will have supposed to hurt, but miraculously they won’t. Someone will pay you a compliment and for once you’ll focus on that instead of the criticism. You will meet new amazing people and realize that they too will only be here for a certain amount of time. You’ll stop trying to control your life and its path and just be present in the moment.
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You’ll watch your old favorite movie, or read your old favorite book, or listen to your old favorite song. It’ll be just like the first time. -DIARY