(Artist's note: These vampires were killed by my dead grandfather, over 30 years ago.)
$200
Get ready for the fight of your life!
<Embraces you from behind, Biden-whispering into your rightmost oval orifice>
Are you ready to rumble?
<Monster-truck rally announcer voice>
For the price of two lives, you can watch these beings of blood & destruction in a high-speed battle of feathers & paddle claws! That’s right, mortals—Mother-Fucking-PADDLE-CLAWS!
You can’t see them move, as their motion flows more towards stop than go, but go they do. These epic shots took me deep into the morning.
<Monster-truck rally announcer voice slightly diffused>
That doesn’t sound high-speed at all. That sounds like false advertising.
Perspective, little friend in my head, perspective. Any motion above zero is high-speed when compared to zero.
<Monster-truck rally announcer voice completely diffused>
...
Caption for photo 1: The battle begins!
*Cardboard & peanut battlefield included—intense solar rays are not. #VampLyfe
Caption for photo 2: Battle so fresh, Depression Sink is knock’d on their ass!
Safety warning, safety warning, safety warning!
Please attempt to keep all peanuts in box interior at all times. You don’t want an infestation...
Caption for photo 3: Ohhhhh! The brown-eye is down!
Caption for photo 4: Red-eye, going in for a—slightly awkward kill…? I think the eye is actually closer to orange, but Orange-eye sounds less cool. This is something for cool people.
Caption for photo 5: This is not the battle I signed up for. I said go in for the kill, not the tiny kill! Fine, make love, not war. Which, thinking on it, BRAVO! for setting a fine example for the world! Why war when you can duxty-nine?
Caption for photo 6: Dawwww! They’re cuddling!
Anyone else have the urge to get their fuck on in a giant box of packing peanuts? Color me intrigued … My quest to Pornhub revealed nothing. Who wants to make this happen?
Online, these little, fracking quackers exist on a wild cost spectrum, with $100 per being a lower, happy medium. Art adds value to this world, so I'll be taking the best offer higher than $200. I’m also open to interesting trades.
I'm selling a house full of stuff. Each piece will be numbered, signed with DNA infused ink, & come with a snarky/silly/thoughtful/ranty/whatever post. I'm playing a game of chicken with entropy. 100 years from now (or whenever/ifever), I hope someone is inspired to bring all the pieces back together for one silly-ass art exhibit that helps to show us that our lives can come back together, no matter what happens to us. Individually, each piece is meant to bring the comfort of knowing—even in chaos, we always have a place in this Universe, given that its entirety is our home.
To go along with this project, I’m writing a reality-meets-fiction telling of the process—in the sci-fi genre, of course. If you buy a piece, you get a free copy of the book, & if it pleases you, I’ll likely put you into the story.
One final thought on economics. Early investors win more & lose less. If this catches on, that $150+ could grow into $5k in only a few dozen months. Also, others realizing this will drive that $5k even higher. I mean, who doesn’t want to be part of a future quest?!