"People are going to read this and think I am so fucked up." The very first words uttered out of my mouth as I begin the process of writing this blog.
Every day that goes on after the loss of someone (specifically significant), you learn what it means to be without them. Sitting, and catching up with my friend who I hadn't seen in a month due to the loss of his own brother we found ourselves in the topics of coping, processing, and healing. As we moved on to completing decorative touches to my home, we came across the urn of my dog. The whole thing of it was laughing at our silly "artist" design minds saying the wooden box just did not work there. Along with his curiosity of what was this box anyhow? My uncomfortable laughter at the awkward explanation seem to prevent the unnecessary "I'm sorry" and looming sadness that comes from those who express apathy uncomfortably due to this harsh reality.
I think it's here to say, I've been sad enough. Days forward I'll continue to be sad at times. As much negativity that exists around death, I don't look forward to the moments in the future where people add more negativity in lights of pity or feeling sorry for me. The idea of "you seem to be handling it so well." in the expression to say I should be more torn down is a disgrace to anyone that passes. You'll find in life the only means by which someone continues to live on, is through you in your memories and heart as you share who they were to the world. I choose everyday to uphold those I've loss in the highest realms I can.
So, back to my horrible story.
I explain to my friend, yes those are the ashes of my dog and I got my mom in a plastic box in my bedroom. Within his quick witty reply "But why? Shouldn't she be in the kitchen?" Dropped me to my butt in laughter.
(humor is good here my friends)
As I gained control of laughter from the unexpected obscenity that was just uttered by my friend, we talked about how getting a nice and real urn for my mom did not happen due to the expenses occurred. By the sake of the joke, willing friends, we took off to IKEA to see if we could find a urn of sorts.
Hardly any seriousness went into this trip. I walked in looking to just have some laughs and feel light hearted for once. And, that is where the question "Can I put my mom in there?" got us weird looks, awkward laughs, real thoughts of could this actually work, and finding something our creative minds actually made a $16 decorative piece at IKEA something of meaning.
And even with some humor, these were completely "NO WAY".
But we found something to every surprise to me.
Here is what I created, giving my mom a better home till the spreading of her ashes comes for our family.
