In my desperation of finding any new tv series to watch I stumbled upon the new Resident Evil series. I was hoping for zombies and action but oh my I think I wont' be able to watch it all the way to the last episode because it's so stupid. I've seen the first three episodes now and there are just soooooo many things wrong in it. Good screenwriting is something that this series doesn't seem to have at all.
For all those who do think of watching it a warning: I'm sorry but here comes a one sentence teeny tiny...
SPOILER!
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I am sure that breaking in to a high security lab has never in any fictional story been this easy.
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NO MORE SPOILERS!
And that's just one of the stupid things it has. Things that are okay if the series or a movie is meant for children or teenagers but I think this is meant to be neither. This is just a stupid thing written and approved by stupid people. And meant for brainless people to watch.
So what I'm going to do is combine two things in this post. The harsh reality of bird photography (and my targets were the easy ones, brave city birds which makes this really sad) and my awesome: "How things would actually go in reality" tv series scripts in different genres. All episodes 40-55 minutes long.
This is the reality of bird photos. Most of the photos are birds going away so you have an excellent sett of birds tails. Birds buttocks that is. Nothing wrong with tails but if you were aiming to the eyes then this isn't the shot you were aiming for.
Zombiecalypse
Written by Insaneworks
Episode 1/10
Our hero is running through the corridors in a burning fortress as zombies roam around the old castle enhanced with scrap metal. The hero has no other option left but to jump down from the fortress, at least 20 meter drop to the ground where the flesh eating zombies wait for their next meal. Tens, perhaps even hundreds of zombies. Fortunately there's a car where our main character, the hero is planning to jump on. "That should soften the landing" our hero thinks.
The hero jumps and lands on the car roof but as our hero is just an ordinary, normal human being, the result of the jump is: both knees broken, pelvis shattered, both wrists too and left shoulder dislocated. Also some internal bleeding and a concussion. Our hero tries to move but can't because it hurts so much and unfortunately the zombies gather around the car and start eating our hero and no-one will come to save our hero.
Episode 2/10
Our hero is conscious and screams the whole episode through as the the zombies eat our hero. Nothing is left. Our hero won't be a herozombie after this because there really is nothing left of the hero. All the other zombies truly ate every last bit of our precious hero.
Episode 3/10
The zombies are searching for more food and roam around the car where the hero landed but exists no more. The zombies even licked the blood spatter off the car hood.
Episode 4/10
The zombies roam around the car and the burnt down fortress.
Episode 5/10
The zombies roam around the car and the burnt down fortress. A seagull watches the zombies from a safe distance because seagulls are wise birds and this one sure understands that it's better to stay away.
Episode 6/10
The zombies roam around the car and the burnt down fortress. One of the zombies looses a hand. Just like that it just falls of as the zombie is walking.
Episode 7/10
The zombies roam around the car and the burnt down fortress. One of the zombies stands still for a while and eye balls everything. Then continues it's aimless walk.
Episode 8/10
The zombies roam around the car and the burnt down fortress. Two zombies collide each other. So exiting.
Episode 9/10
The zombies roam around the car and the burnt down fortress. One of the zombies stumbles and falls down to a steel rod. The zombie can't get up as the steel rod penetrates it's lungs. Or what used to be a lung of a person.
Episode 10/10
The zombies roam around the car and the burnt down fortress. The zombie that lost a hand looses the other one too. Or perhaps it was a different zombie. They all look the same. Decaying wanderers.
This could be a great photo if only both the birds were sharp and if the seagull on the right wouldn't be tailless. I could crop the other seagull too but as I said, the bird on the left is lacking sharpness. Such a great moment though. Seagull youngsters playing with a branch. I wonder if one of them is named Steven.
Whispering Hearts
Written by Insaneworks
Episode 1/6
Jeremiah and Katherine fall in love under the maple tree in the 19th century the night before Jeremiah is going off to sea as he has joined the King's navy. They promise to hold each others hearts near their own as Katherine gives a locket with her portrait to Jeremiah and Jeremiah gives his handkerchief with his initials in it to Katherine. They vow to be married when Jeremiah returns. Katherine waves her goodbyes on the shore until her lovers boat vanishes to the horizon.
EXPLANATION OF HOW THE STORY CONTINUES!
This script has several options on how it could continue. So the first episode is always the same, what happens next and the options I've listed here are all very probable things that actually could have happened in the 19th century. So after reading the first option, or the second, if you forget what happened in the first episode, just go ahead and scroll back here and refresh your memory by reading the first episode again.
EXPLANATION ENDS!
Yes the ship has sailed. The duck has failed. Duck tales and a rock. What a nice rock it is. Such a beautiful rock.
Episode 2/6 (option number 1)
Jeremiah's ship sinks in the first storm only 2 weeks after it's departure and all the crew members die. No-one is saved.
Episode 3/6 (option number 1)
Every morning Katherine goes to to sit under the maple tree to watch the sun rise and imagines that their hearts whisper to each other.
Episode 4/6 (option number 1)
For five years Katherine has been going every morning to sit under the maple tree and watch the sun rise.
Episode 5/6 (option number 1)
For ten years Katherine has been going every morning to sit under the maple tree and watch the sun rise.
Episode 6/6 (option number 1)
For fifteen years Katherine has been going every morning to sit under the maple tree. One morning when walking trough the village on her way to the maple tree, she accidentally hears someone mention the ships name her lover was in and about the tragic storm and learns that there were no survivors. Jeremiah dies fifteen years ago. She is now too old to be married (32 years) so she just continues the same routines she has done last 15 years until her death that happens at the age of 95.
The beak in the tail doesn't work. It could work, it could be funny but no. Not this time.
Episode 2/6 (option number 2)
Whoopsie-daisy after a month Katherine finds out that she is pregnant and as the only professions for a 17 year old uneducated single woman in the 19th century is either a washer woman or a whore, are not on Katherine's dream job list, she quickly decides to marry the first man that has a profession and even a little bit of money and says hello to her so she quickly ends up being married because 17 year old women are the thing that all men want. Her first born luckily survived even though the baby was one month, almost 2 moths premature. Such a miracle. The baby is a boy and is named Jeremiah.
Episode 3/6 (option number 2)
Next 5 years Katherine has 5 more children. One dies at birth.
Episode 4/6 (option number 2)
Next 5 years Katherine has 5 more children. Two live to see their second birthday.
Episode 5/6 (option number 2)
Next 5 years Katherine has 5 more children. Four live to see their third birthday.
Episode 6/6 (option number 2)
Next 5 years Katherine has 5 more children. Katherine almost dies when giving birth to her last child. Three of the latest five are still alive when Jeremiah returns from the sea. He hears from a friend that Katherine is married and decides to go to see her anyway. He hopes that just by looking at her from further away she could hear his whispering heart call her and that she then would leave her husband and children and run away with him and they would be happy ever after. Jeremiah looks at her and she turns to him and... Jeremiah is shocked how ugly and old Katherine has become and Jeremiah is so thankful that he can hide behind the corner and remain unnoticed by Katherine and just walk away. Jeremiah thanks the gods that he had a lucky escape. "After all" Jeremiah thinks, "a 37 year old Katherine is not what he, a 48 year old handsome and virile man deserves!"
This could be a good photo but I don't know. Something is missing. More action perhaps?
Episode 2/6 (option number 3)
Jeremiah whispers Katherine's name every night until the first time his ship lands to the first harbor. Katherine gently whispers goodnight to Jeremiah every night until courting season begins and she dances the first time with someone else than her siblings or the dance teacher.
Episode 3/6 (option number 3)
Katherine can't remember the color of Jeremiah's eyes or how the jawline is different compared to her suitor number three. Jeremiah spills wine on Katherine's portrait in one of the harbors. Or was it rum?
Episode 4/6 (option number 3)
Jeremiah is sure that Katherine wasn't even that pretty and he wouldn't want a hag for a wife. Katherine is sure that her heart now belongs to Edgar. Edgar is so handsome and knows poetry.
Episode 5/6 (option number 3)
Katherine is unsure if Edgar is the one for her. Jeremiah has lost the locket but doesn't even notice it.
Episode 6/6 (option number 3)
Jeremiah continues sailing from harbor to harbor. Katherine marries Lawrence.
Even though I managed to place the bird right to the center of the picture (which usually isn't a good place to put anything), I failed to make it sharp and I also failed to make the water look more interesting. So many things missed.
The Real Crime Unit
Written by Insaneworks
Episode 1/4
One of the members of the crime unit is sacked because she was always so tired and never had any energy to do her job properly because she had an obsession on having the perfect hair and make up and for that she had to wake up four hours earlier than if she hadn't done anything to her hair and face. And high heals. She always wore high heals and she frequently twisted her ankle if she had to run or even do power walking in order to catch the criminals.
Episode 2/4
One of the members of the crime unit is sacked because he always just stepped in to a crime scene without any protective clothing and accidentally left tons of his own dna there, hair for instance. Never wore a hair net.
Episode 3/4
One of the new members of the crime unit is hospitalized because he tried to catch a criminal and they ended up in a fight and both were injured really badly with broken jaws and ribs and knuckles and eye sockets and several other severe injuries, not just a tiny lip wound.
Episode 4/4
One of the members of the crime unit is again on sick leave, tenth time this year although it's only March because she is exhausted because there's too much work and too few people to do it and also so much paperwork.
Streeeeeeeetch! If there only was more space in front of the beak this would be excellent.
Classic Cabin Weekend
Written by Insaneworks
2h 21min (A movie)
Bunch of teenagers rent cabin in the woods for a weekend. Most of the movie is just drinking, eating and watching the camp fire. Nothing interesting happens. The only slightly interesting thing is when Jaakko is so drunk that he trips and falls to the camp fire, immediately rolls off from it on his own, everyone laughs, Jaakko never even notices that anything out of the ordinary happens and afterwards Jaakko miraculously has zero burn marks on his body. Everyone talks like old drunks repeating things over and over again and because nothing happened, they can't remember anything because there's nothing to remember, except that the weekend was CLASSIC and that Jaakko is a miracle man.
(End credits = 26 minutes because the actor didn't fall on to a fire, it was made with CGI. Actually everyone just sat in front of a green screen in a studio, the cabin and the woods around also was made with CGI. Wind and the constant irritating rain too. Mosquitoes? Yes, those too. CGI mosquitoes. And I should also say that one of the actors was also enhanced with CGI because the director absolutely wanted to use a famous but old actor, but as the movie was about teenagers, the CGI crew had to make the famous 60 year old actor look like a teenager. A little bit plastic look but hey, really worth it the producer thinks.)