It's not often that I meet a couple in their late 50s that look at each other the way young lovers do. That's probably because the experience of life often leads many of us to feel jaded, so that even when we do fall in love later in life, it is weighed down with the anxieties that all those other experiences have left us to cope with. So, when I was at my friend Stephanie's wedding not long ago, and her dad and stepmom and I got to talking, it was really clear that they had something special between them. As I got to know them, and it was clear they wanted to participate in my Skin on Sundays, my extra-sensitive poet sensors flipped on so that I could absorb their energies to write their poems. What I noticed I don't think I needed any poet sensors for, to be honest.
When I was around Monica and Jeff, a married couple from Seattle who have known each other since third grade (um, wow) but only got married three years ago, I felt their love for one another not only in their nonverbal behavior, but how they talked to each other. They were constantly letting each other know these little things that they love about each other. For instance, I remember as I was taking Monica's solo photos, how Jeff just kept telling Monica what a beautiful back she has. He made it clear that he wanted these pictures of her to put on his wall so he could constantly admire her, and to have the poetry written on her would make it extra special to him, a kind of memory that is tattooed on the wall and is so specific to an occasion that its placement in time and the feelings felt in those moments would be accessible just by looking at the photo.
I guess I'm not used to witnessing a couple, or really many people at all, in any culture, anywhere in the world, practice that kind of immodest adoration for one another so authentically. People just don't seem to tell each other those little things that they love about one another, whether it is a couple, family, friends, or anyone really. And why don't make a regular practice of this behavior? I wonder. Does society, and I mean global society, make us feel so competitive with one another that we keep most of our positive thoughts about other people to ourselves as a sort of defense mechanism? Sure, there are people besides Monica and Jeff who vocalize their praises for others often, but it is pretty rare. They weren't even just providing those kind words to each other, but to me as well, and we had just met. They told me that my project was special, and if I just kept working, I was going to "make it." You know people are genuine in their words when they can verbalize exactly why they feel the way they do, and Jeff and Monica were like that with each other, with me in telling me what a brilliant idea I had uncovered with Skin on Sundays, and with others throughout the trip. It was seriously uplifting, and I am going to be mindful about adding that practice into my own life more than it already is. I think it's important, and a small thing we can do to make people feel awesome in an honest and deserved way.