As The Human Project goes - I stumbled on these magically strung together words and thought it would be wiser to share with you all than to keep to myself - Please read it all - it just may save the world
I've been having some insights on love and relationships lately and I wanted to share. I won't pretend to be an authority on how to cultivate successful relationships, however I think that as I've grown and matured and become more experienced I have developed some awareness that I might lend to the conversation.
To start off, I think that there is a tendency for people to become increasingly analytical about their relationships and this isn't helpful for several reasons. For one you have to realize that people in general are bundled masses of crazy feelings and impulses that are beyond the boundaries of our understanding. People are all a bit crazy. I'm a bit crazy and I'm pretty sure everyone I've ever dated is too in their own way. I'm sure you are too, and love and sex and hormones can make people do especially crazy things. What I mean by crazy is that it's often difficult to rationalize the behaviour and responses and actions of people. People simply feel things. If someone moved away from you, regardless of what kind of analysis you can put into use in terms of your relationships the bottom line is that something occurred that didn't feel good to the other person energetically. This might have absolutely nothing to do with you or your behavior. There are a lot of reasons someone might behave in any way, from traumas and conditioning to sheer mood or hormones.
I think the more you let go, the less you act with the intention of having the goal of any outcome, the more you let go of understanding, and the more you try to be present and simply enjoy where you are at with any person at any time, not only the more successful you will be but really the happier you will be. Some hot babe wants to "just" be friends with you. Great. You can orient yourself to be stoked to have someone who you enjoy being around and who gives your pheromones a whirl. Just because someone doesn't want to date you or be in a relationship with you doesn't mean you can't love them. We are in relationship with everyone we know!
Also nothing is set in stone. Things shift in relationships all the time. People go from being sexually attracted to someone to deciding they only want to be their friend. People go from just wanting to be friends to deciding they want to be romantic with that person after all. Sometimes people ghost out and cut ties for no apparent reason. Sometimes people fall in love with other people even though they're in a committed relationship. Sometimes people sudddenly fall out of love. Some people break up and realize they can't function as lovers to later foster awesome friendships. All of this is infinitely in potential and it probably has less to do with you than you would think. No need to grasp, to force, or try to understand.
The goal should always be LOVE! That doesn't mean that the goal is to be in love with somebody, only that the goal is love in general! Possessiveness, neediness, jealousy, seduction, and control, all of which come from need, are not love! The goal should be love and harmony towards your self and others, and not trying to get someone to sleep with you or to possess someone. Someone wants to be your girlfriend. Cool. Love them! Someone only wants to be your friend. Love them the same. Someone doesn't want anything to do with you or someone wants to end something with you. Don't take it personally and love them too! You're totally alone, love then also!
People respond unfavorably when they sense lack in the other person. They don't want to feel like they're going to drown in the other persons attention. They don't want to feel like they're at home starving and anxious because they can't stand to be alone or are wigging out about some kind of future outcome. People want to be around people who like the sun radiate warmth and love. And that is all you. It can never be given to you by somebody. So it's best to just relax, be present, take what comes with gratitude, not get caught in the future, let go of goals and basically just see what happens.
Have fun with it. Play. Don't take it so seriously, it's not. Probably when you feel the most content in not being in a relationship is when you'll get one. That's because people don't want to feel like they are being needed, that they are the foundation of someone's self esteem to rest on. The focus on the goal of possessing or consuming and the need behind emphasizes your sense of lack. I think the saying "you can't really love someone til you love yourself" rings true. Love yourself and love others no matter what kind of relationship you may realize with them.
P.s.
Man I really need to follow my own advice. ;)