When autumn comes with rain and cold, and then comes winter, the fish in the reservoirs sink to the bottom. Because the water does not freeze at depths. What about fish? Actually, I have a strong feeling that I am like a fish now. Just to lie down, don't move, don't speak, don't listen, do absolutely nothing. "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil", and it seems that there is no more evil.
I hate myself on days like this. There is no one who could help, so the better part of me does everything to find at least some motivation for the other. Or temptation, lure. "What a lovely day for a walk and maybe take some photos". "You promised to meet with a friend long ago. It might be fun". "You can eat delicious cakes with cream somewhere in a cozy cafe." "There is no food, go outside after all!" "Your pills have run out. It's up to you now." The last argument always works. Even when it is raining all day like today.
There was a time when I had more ideas than I could write posts. I tried not to write more than 1 post a day, so as not to overindulge the time and Hive power of my friends. Now my every post is a small win. I usually manage to maintain this delicate balance. But one news is enough, which is like a baseball bat - a blow, and you are at the bottom. Like a fish.
This time it wasn't news, just one phrase: "I'm a little busy."
And now a wave of everything that I did not allow myself to feel is coming from all sides, like water during a flood. A friend's husband who was recently wounded. News from the hospital and everything that my friend volunteer from Kharkiv recently told me. She needed an ear to listen, and I wanted to support her because sometimes you need someone to whom you can tell all these pain, and who will understand and feel it.
"A little busy", my husband wrote. He is far away, somewhere in the east of Ukraine. He assured me they don't go to "zero", and I believed him. But ... it's raining everywhere, and his cloak is here, being repaired. "For a week, or two", he said and took two large trunks with him. Busy doing what? Hiding from shelling? Packing and moving? Or really busy with a "routine job"? It is his first "mission" like this, and I just don't know what to think. That's it. Pretty short story. Congrats, today you are my ear to listen.
I am recalling my time in Krakow, and I miss it so much.
The feeling of ... just living. It's difficult to express. When you do what you do and aren't afraid that the house may fall on you at any moment. Something like this.
Those few days in Krakow gave me the understanding that everything can return. I will be able to return and become the way I was before the war. I will be able to see beauty in everything around me, and I will want to see that beauty. I will have so much love (and life!) that I can share this love with others.
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It seems that I didn't photograph much there but today I found out they are enough for one more post. Blue hour is my favorite time of the day, especially in fascinating old cities like Krakow. A short moment of transformation, or magic. When shadows are light and lights are not so bright.
I enjoyed my late walks there every day. It's funny, but when I was alone in the street I could imagine myself in any epoch. Depends on what will I see first - a moving modern car or a bicycle or an elegant carriage drawn by two horses, or what I will hear first - a modern beat or a cello.
Kyiv seems so close when you are in Krakow. But Krakow is so far when you go from Kyiv. A mathematical paradox.
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Appreciate every beautiful moment. And love yourself.
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Thanks and ... see you.
