Are you a phubber? Phubbing is a combo of phone and snubbing. It's when you ignore someone in a social setting. It's a nonverbal insult signaled by your eyes dropping down to your device, and not directed towards the person you are interacting with.
This behavior can go unnoticed by those doing it, but the person on the receiving end picks up on it more easily. Phubbing can have a negative effect on relations with others, as it threatens our basic need to belong, to feel like someone is paying attention to us, like someone cares to listen and make contact.
A recent study was published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology. It looked at the negative social consequences that arise from phubbing. 153 participants watched a 3 minute animation of 2 people having a conversation. They took the position of one of the two people in the conversation and characterized the situations as either: extensive phubbing, partial phubbing, or no phubbing.
Unsurprisingly, the results showed that the more phhubbing present, the more peope felt fundamental needs were threatened, and the more significant was the degree of negative impact on the quality of communication and relationship satisfaction. As a result, a sense of belonging and connectedness was reduced.
Social situations are negatively impacted by this modern social phenomenon. When we get on our phones and ignore people around us, it hurts others in ways we may not realize. We should be more mindful and realize the consequences to our behavior in this ever-expanding technological age.
When we check our phones, paying attention to notifications on social media or emails we get, we signal that we aren't that interested in hearing what someone has to say, and instead are more concerned with our latest Instagram updates or Twitter feeds. No matter how important or productive it is to do it, we are telling people around us that they aren't as important, or at least not as interesting.
In romantic relationships, this can be especially troubling. Romantic satisfaction requires intimate connection, such as being accessible to the other, being open, to listen, respond, empathize and engage in each others attentional needs. Try to put the phone away and connect more. Make and schedule phone-free evenings if it's required.
References:
- 'Phubbing' can threaten our basic human needs, research shows
- "Phubbing" is the rudest of all phone behaviour. Are you guilty of it?
- Varoth Chotpitayasunondh et al, The effects of "phubbing" on social interaction, Journal of Applied Social Psychology (2018). DOI: 10.1111/jasp.12506
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