When light drains away the pigment there is barely enough left,even for shadows. It feels like there is nothing to release myself away from that darkness. Everything is hidden, including myself.
It feels like the world, my world has gone into 'storm' mode. The air has imbalance, my ears are sharper, my mind paranoid. My vision screams- predator. My body is set for flight fright or freeze. For the most part i choose freeze.
Still.
Praying that when blackness takes heed of me, the dawn is not too far behind.
I yearn for tomorrow enough to persevere this position for as long as it takes.
Thus, the painful reality of anxiety.
Who made you so afraid, my love?
afraid for the future, and afraid for the past.
they need not exist in your world.
its all an illusion.
to evoke a memory, you must first envision it
in order for it to survive.
this fear is my delusion.and I know how you behave.
you will carry me. you will take me by the hand
head-on, to everything that's dear to me - beloved and precious.
but I know your scent. and i am ready for you.
i have figured you out and i am ready to let you go.
you have exasperated me to the point where finding myself
became my only grace.
my love is no longer fixed, it sparkles.
without fear it's brighter, robust and unfathomable.
i am now my own master. i feel rejuvenated.
my last fear will be of my own strength.
i am prepared.
you are not of my world
but of a wilted comprehension.
only sunlight in my doorway
only gentle rain in my garden.
This is the result of an interaction with a very special lady here,
known as 
💜
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