Being brought up in a family where everyone was busy dealing with their lives and being surrounded by friends who were either intimidated by my excellent academic performance or were plastic fake, I learnt to be my own family and friend. I grew so comfortable with being alone that I don't crave company anymore. I love having people around but after a while it makes me feel invaded, as if I am being robbed of my privacy and peace, because of which I end up distancing myself from them. The thing is that in the care, affection and love they give and I give, there is such a huge imbalance of intensities and intentions. Some experiences have screwed up my 'love receiving antenna' and now my solitude is the safest space where only I understand myself and keep myself happy and sad in the right ratio. Only I can hurt myself, only I can make myself happy, only I can make myself sad. I have learnt to love myself so deep that I do not think anyone can do it nearly enough to make me want them or need them. There is power in loneliness, if you are being alone in the right way.
