Hi again to whoever may see this, I hope your day is going as good as is possible. ._.
I just released another spoken word poem song thingy, I've never even shared the text of this one before so it's totally new.
This one is kinda sad in nature and to be totally straight forward this song made cry a few times.
I think it's some of the sad lyrics combined with the music that I picked which just has some incredibly ethereal female vocals and it hit me pretty hard. Not sure if it will have a similar affect on anyone else, but, for me this one was/is pretty powerful.
Also, to be clear... I'm not as depressed anymore as I was when I wrote this.
I'm doing a lot better these days!
I just sorta wanna share these poems in spoken words anyways even if I don't totally feel that exact way anymore because they were important times in my life to go through even if they were dark/difficult times.
And because I feel like someone else out there may resonate with the words and find some kind of value or benefit to hearing such.
I know sometimes when I'm sad that sad music sort of helps me...
As weird as it sounds, it's almost like "relating" to what others go through and knowing you're not alone in certain ways can be helpful.
It's difficult to put into words or explain, though, I think there is something to that and...
I'm going to work on creating more positive and uplifting work in the future...
But, I think these sad or other sorts of controversial poems can be important and have their place too and that's one of the reasons I named this album "Polarized Poetry" because it shows quite a polarization and spectrum.
One other thing I'd like to mention for context is that I used to be really hard on myself and would oftentimes talk to myself sorta like a drill instructor and punish/toughen myself up with insults/jackal language. I didn't necessarily 100% believe everything I was saying in the poem, some of it is exaggerated...
For example, when I say "I'm the toad no one wants to know." that's not true. Many women show interest in me, it's just not very often women that I'm attracted to unfortunately. So the words in the poem are definitely a bit ummm... Inaccurate and sort of like... "self attacky" or "woe is me" and not necessarily true.
Occasionally I still say bad things about myself, but, it's much more rare and I usually flip it and say something good about myself afterwards now when that happens and I'm really glad I was able to pull out of that cause it's not a fun place to be...
I've struggled a lot with trying to meet women in a romantic sense over the years and that was something I wanted to experience so much when younger and now... I'm not that worried about it anymore. Romance isn't everything, plus outside of a few messed up things I've had a pretty good life and I've really grown to appreciate my own company. :)
I'm still trying and maybe it'll happen one day, a woman I'm attracted to even showed some interest in me recently and I've been talking to quite a few women I'm attracted to on the dating sites and I realize I have a lot of good stuff going for me. Though, I recognize I do have some flaws or issues I need to work on as well like money primarily and also a bit of OCD... I think I just need to focus on making money and working on my OCD more and everything else will likely fall into place eventually.
So, I'm optimistic and positive these days and am still trying... But... More focused on myself right now and making money and not dwelling on the negative as much anymore. And... As a result I think I'm in an even a better place for a potential relationship because self love and accepting yourself is so important in that equation in my opinion!
Anyways... I rambled enough, that's it for me for now... Bye until next time.
Lyrics will be below and also a link to the audio if you'd like to listen!
"In My Dreams"
Forever alone... No one ever cares about me like that, nope.
I'm the toad no one wants to know. The one they all leave heart broke.
Throughout my life I've been dying slow. A tortured existence is what I've known. So painfully stumbling where ever I go.
On a solitary road, not even hugged by my own shadow. Will probably never be close.
I looked for love and rejection is what they showed. Forced deeper into my hole. Darkness became my home.
There was one who was different, but... What happened to her crushed me the most. She should still be here instead of me...
That's what I believe. As the tears roll down my cheeks. Here all alone.
And when I forget to breath. I remember her memory. I remember her for eternity. What a beautiful soul.
Her kindness showed me mercy. Her light surrounds me when I'm hurting.
Even if I'm not worthy. Infinitely grateful for the love she has sown.
Reality blurring. Speech slurring. Can't wait till I join her. Where ever she is I wanna go.
In my dreams. 3x
Where ever she is I wanna go.
In my dreams. 3x
Where ever she is I wanna go.
In my dreams. 3x
Where ever she is I wanna go.
In my dreams. 3x
Where ever she is I wanna go.