"WONDERING"

I lay in bed alone around evening time and ask for what reason I'm here.
I do as such much for everybody
For what reason don't they demonstrate they give it a second thought?
I met this young lady who said she adored me
something I haven't heard in so long.
She utilized me for my cash
what a ride she took me on.
There is so much hurt I feel, so much outrage caught inside.
Now and again I wish my father was here, however to me he's not alive.
I have nobody to converse with
These medications appear to be the main way
Turns out it's a lie simply like the grin I put on each and ordinary.
I know outside I'm grinning, It's the face I counterfeit for you,
Be that as it may, inside my spirit is crying and there is no other viable option for me.
I know my family adores me,
I'm there when their choices are poor.
I'm tired of feeling like this strolled on mat tossed upon the floor.
I lay in overnight boardinghouse what the heck I'm doing here
Would i be able to wake up from this fantasy?
Would i be able to please simply vanish?