Hello Everyone. This first poem is about my younger smaller selves in relation to me as an adult. I have come to a point where I have stopped running from some of my fears and have decided to face them. All of my old wounds and traumas from childhood still living in me and affecting my day to day. I'm seeing how they affect everything from relationships to money. So I am in a place of acceptance and renewal so I can decide what I truly want in my life and have those wants be genuine and not based out of past fears. Fully integrating these parts is also part of the process to reclaiming my authentic self.
The second is about an experience I had on the bus, but it translates to many other areas in my life where I struggle to say no or hold my boundaries. So this guy sits across from me on the bus and said "Hey you are really attractive". He then asked if I would take my hair down so he could see my face in that way. I told him no, I didn't feel like taking my hair down, he kept demanding that I do it. It was so hard to keep my no in that situation and not to think 'oh maybe I'm making a big deal out of this' but then I remembered this is the root of rape culture. A person that appears to be female saying no to a "request" and the other person being frustrated or upset for the female not saying yes or changing their initial no to a yes to please the questioner. So a request is a question where the answer can be yes or no without attachment to either answer. A demand is where you are looking for a desired answer and wont take no for an answer. Just through this interaction I saw all the other areas in which I will give in to say yes to someone when I really mean no. I was glad that I was able to stay with my no but I have not always been that strong. Hold your no, keep your power.
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T h e W o l f
The girl the wolf ate
Still living in the belly of the beast
Her youth preserved in the fur-lined body
The boy also consumed keeping her company
His autonomy resting in the jaw
Let yourself be fully consumed
Demons that set you free
I am the girl
I am the boy
I am the wolf
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B i t c h I m G r o w n
Locking eyes
exchanging flow
Mouth open
I already know
Dare to command me
Say no to no
Prepare to fight me
Bitch I’m grown
Women are free
Self reliant
Gender illusions
I’m not compliant