If you've ever tried to cram your innovator self into a traditional world,
then this poem is yours.
We are a different breed of people.
We are not here to travel well-tread paths
We are meant to pioneer a different way
Don't ever judge yourself for not fitting in...
you were never supposed to.
The Darkness Before the Dawn
I do my best to cozy down into a normal life situation...
ya know, with love and cookies and consistent bedtimes
date nights and planning
steady jobs with paychecks and insurance and stuff
walking paths that have been well tread.
That’s what we do here, you know.
The walls of conclusion start small,
building so slowly I hardly notice
until one day I look up
and I can’t see over the top anymore.
This freaks me out a little
but on paper
it all looks so perfect,
so I continue on.
Steady as she goes.
Cutting off every ounce of awareness
to my internal knowing
sinking ever further into unidentified despair
until finally I forcefully shake free
forever changing the shaken
And find myself right back where I started once again.
All heart-achey and worn
seriously wondering if I possess the strength to do this
feigning resistance to the lure provided by safety of the familiar,
the payment for which is always backwards traveling.
This mission before me just won’t seem to go away.
Who signed me up for this evolutionary path anyways?
Was it me? Why do I destroy everything in my life for the sake of it?
Maybe that which I destroy is not actually real. Just appearing, oh so convincingly solid.
No matter how many times I turn it away
it returns in the night to knock on my door.
I don’t want to hear what it has to say but,
out of the shear lateness of hour
and weariness of my soul
I listen this time.
“Come with me”, it says.
"I know it’s dark out and you’re scared,
but trust me.
When the light of day dawns
you will see clearly and understand.
The sun will shine more brilliantly
than you have ever known.
And for your courage,
you will be rewarded
with great joys and treasures and loves.”
The resignation to manipulate my trapezoid self
into the square shape of normal
is fading fast.
has been a long and exhausting road.
I fall into the arms of this midnight caller and cry
unidentifiable as either tears of sorrow or joy or relief
makes no difference really
The gift I am given in this moment
is an unequivocal understanding
that this is my only option
... and that everything will be different. But incredible.
Until next time...
No Limits. Just Love. Chandra Nicole
www.facebook.com/nolimitsjustlove
www.chandranicole.com