One of my favorite characteristics is that I am not a quitter. That does not mean that I never quit or never abandon a project or that I see every activity/adventure to its end. What it means is that I give time and put effort into almost everything I attempt to accomplish whether physical, spiritual, mental, or otherwise. I prefer to view myself as determined and or committed. I am not big on rationalizing but will admit to struggling with ambivalence far more often than I like. The yeah buts and what ifs of my life result in delays or in some cases, not getting started, but once started, I tend to move forward and make a serious effort to accomplish my goals all the while navigating the all but guaranteed "yeah buts" and "what ifs" that are certain to be manufactured along the way.
I have recently been exposed to the concept of "Karmic Ribbons" (I have chosen to label them "bonds"), a consequence of current and past life experiences that our Soul or Essence agrees to face before joining in the current physical experience that is you or me (keep in mind here that in this context, "consequence" is defined as "result" and not only to the negative). I have been aware of the influences of karma for most of my life however not on the level suggested by Karmic Bonds. I have grown confident that our primary purpose during this life experience is to journey into the depths of Karmic Bonds unless a choice is made to procrastinate, to put off until tomorrow what can be done today. The challenges can be extremely difficult and many will choose to avoid facing that which at some point must be faced. I want to say I am all in but will not claim that as an absolute.
During the latter part of May 1998 I took up the task of actively waking up. The waking up experience has become a long, arduous trip but like I stated earlier, I am not a quitter. Along the way my perspective and perceptions have changed significantly. I do my best to "keep it in context", a resolve that is no easy undertaking, so I have chosen to focus on remaining open to new concepts and approaches, of which there are many, to more effectively cope with consequences of past and current life experiences.
The following poem provides an example of my want to change perspective and perceptions. The vast majority of what most people, including yours truly, consider, or in my case have considered, to be weeds are actually herbs, plants with healing, medicinal properties. When this poem was written during 2004 I did not consider weeds to be anything other than something that posed inconvenience or possible threat. At this writing I have chosen to view weeds for what they really can be, a gift that heals rather than as a threat to damage or destroy the host. So the "weed" that grows inside me today has taken on new meaning, has new value, and is honored for the gift I can see it to be. This is now, what follows was then:
The Weed That Grows
I've sown the seed
That haunts me now
I am looking for the answer how
To stop this weed that's growing now
Please
Help me see the answer how
To stop the weed that's growing now
Its roots are wrapped around my Soul
Restricting me
It's hard to grow
I'm struggling for sense of hope
Trying to survive
Find ways to cope
It's strong
Slowly draining life from me
I think
How long can I compete
There is a chance I won't survive
The weed that grows
Deep down inside
This journey can be quite challenging, turns out it is all a matter of perception. Best.