Those who read my introduction blog might think this one might be regrets setting in late at night, the doubt.
and the fullblown knowledge that my life is in no way what we set out for when we embarked on this journey.
It´s quite the opposite.
I now know that my relationship with my boys is and will forever, be altered by what has happened.
Othen during a perioid of this story i was pretty close to drug induced suicide, i had been accused of smoking Cannabis, (proof? who needs that?) i former hard working, occasionally cannabis smoking father of two had over a perioid of months become a senseless needle junky.
i´ll admit right now. I am a stoner! but within months of government taking over our life we were deliberatly trying to escape the pain the only way we knew, and could.
It was at times of endeless hopelessness and regret, anger and sorrow... i will never find words to describe "the void".
And the gutwrenching knowledge that it´s your foult. and that i should have defended better, differently.
At those times i othen tought and repeated the poem for myself. even got so far as to create a facebook account for him.
Posting the poem and "Daddy loved you with all his heart, sorry i couldn´t protect you".
Well. Here is the poem, my reasons and relevance of publishing it here, understandable.
....
The poem touches me evry time... this was a rather hard day. but will be journaled, since we met the boys.