Oh, if I was another man,
I would sneak upon your house in the dead of night.
To steal all your unguarded treasure
That you carelessly left in the can,
That sits lonely by the side of the road.
I would carefully open the lid
To avoid alerting the dogs,
But there is no avoiding them.
They bark and howl
As they witness the greatest heist
That has ever taken place
On this sleepy little street.
I imagine you would put your treasure
In light weight bags for my convenience,
But no matter how careful I was
A terrible sound would echo into the night,
As the heavy treasure
scrapes it's way out of the can.
The ghastly dogs scream in agony
At the sight of all that plunder
slipping through their master's fingers.
Then I would have to reach
For the second bag of soft mushy bullion
And the aroma, oh the aroma!
I would smell the reminiscence
Of so many fortunes
That made a pit stop here,
Before being buried
By modern day privateers.
Hired by local officials
To hide as much treasure as possible,
Because they have seen the terrible future
and they are keenly aware
Of the upcoming economic disaster.
I could only imagine
the stockpiles of treasure
That is just wasting away
Buried under homes,
schools and even neighborhoods.
And the escaping wealth
Oozes it's way back into rivers.
Just waiting for some lucky kid to find,
While frolicking in the water.
But the kid wouldn't know the value of his find
And the treasure
Would probably end up in his mouth.
Then all the glowing fish
Would swim around the boy,
As he began to glow too.
The boy would shine like pure wealth
For all to see,
Until doctors pumped it away.
Leaving his family worse off
Than before he struck it rich.
Oh, if I was another man,
The sad thought of all that treasure
Going to waste would be too much for me,
I would need to take as much as possible.
I would run from house to house
Serenaded by the vicious dogs
Singing the cries of war.
Ominous lights would randomly turn on,
As a warning that their owners
Just realized their carelessness
And couldn't afford the financial loss.
I would take as much as I could carry,
Filling my home with untold riches.
I would neatly stack the used diapers
Filled with the aroma of wealth
In another room, so I could remain humble.
Without the constant reminder
That would only separate me from you.
I would stack laptops
As high as the eye could see.
I would swim in a pool of plastic bottles
And I would be too afraid to kick the can
Because they might gang up on me.
I wouldn't let my wealth
Go to my head.
Oh no, not me!
I would be so generous,
Offering an endless supply
Of yesterday's iPhones
To anyone in need,
So they could live the good life too.
I would sell off forests of paper
And use all the proceeds
To save the endangered tree.
I would be the richest
And most celebrated
Man in the world.
But as time passed
I would grow tired
Of managing my wealth
And miss my old simple life.
The wealthy smell of used diapers
would begin to burn my nose.
I too would begin to
Take my wealth for granted
And think of it as junk.
I would become so careless
that I would store my wealth
In cans by the side of the road,
Secretly hoping that I would be robed too.
Once a week I would get my wish,
When hearing the alarming
Sounds of barking dogs
And see you, the other man,
Reclaiming your lost fortune.
Link to the first unedited image source