How to expose your feelings to all (poem)

To
friends and family
sisters
mothers, lovers, brothers
uncles
aunties
spirits, demons, Akhdar
stardust fairies
home county dairies
sun, moon and stars
matter
fussed and nonplussed
spare me some time
I’m gonna scream and shout
try to make a rhyme
hear me out
some time, please
some time
here, here, gather round
some time
s'all I need
I'll give ya my mind
it has logic and reason
love and all kinds of seasons
stop what you doing
if it even be
doing
POOING!
hold on to your pants, man
'cos I'm selling your dreams, man
hear my story
it's one of many
unbelievably unlimited
never writted
‘til now
thus here be an elongated ditty
that ain't that pretty
okay, SO...
I tell you
I loved many
too many, too many many
nah, it's never too many!
I lost loves
more so
I loved my losses
Lauren, Sanja, Hannah, Jelena and Eva... more... and more... and how, MORE...
so many more
they blew my mind
drove me stir crazy
LIKE
HURRICANES
they had names
LIKE
HURRICANES
numbers, addresses;
p r e t t y d r e s s e s
now they're hazy
but they were real
it was real!
I'm not yet crazy
and I'm not at all
SORRY!
didn't look back then
so definitely
not
NOW
HOW
every love changed me
all that love changed me
oh and HOW
all the days change me
change
me
still, today
irreversibly
inadvertently
irresistibly...
but still I realise
certainly;
that the moon is
NOT
FOR
SALE
when will they realise
that there is no
honey on the moon
"later-in-a-minute-soon"
Pah!
UNOFFICIAL CROON!
officially
voluntarily
officious
consider me
a helping hand
whilst we aid
them rape our land
our mother's land
a helping hand
thru these times that we live
these fights that we give
the tears we shed
the claret we bled
the dreams we're fed
the ones
the fake ones
the ones that say
we know what you want
but you don't want any-
thing!
THINK
of me
as your guiding light
utilising YOUR rights
don't imagine them not to exist
it's as if...
you hurt yourself
do great injustice
to those around you
those abound you
exercise your power
stretch your soul
jog your memory
believe in angels
mammy and pappy
weren't lying to me
when they said
great granddaddy's in the sky
watching me
guiding me
not judging me
just nudging me
I'll do the same
for you
I have a name
or two too
inconsequential
monumental
simultaneously
and erroneously
dishing out praise
getting my graze on
unfazed
until...
realisation dawns...
and we're no longer forlorn
sitting on a step
doing ya thing
I know it's not easy
automatic this
instant that
credit card kiss pussy pissy
twitter twat twat
no space
to ponder
how ta
only
make
beautiful
with all this noise yonder...
this absolute
devouring
salacious
fucking
NOISE!
STOP!!
breathe and STOP
STOP THE NOISE
unbelieve the hype
keep fro-
licking
'cos we all ripe
for
picking
gimme some licking
that's it
gimme some wow
oh and HOW
do you realise
with real eyes
how late
it's getting?
To be out this far
already at horizon
fretting
without shelter or friends to be with
our lives go on
regardless
still lots to give
we're a long way from home
on a sea of foam
lost
stuck out on a jetty
to nowhere
I'm not finished
yet
FUCK YA!
jest
I LOVE YA!
salvageable
savable
enslavable
a people
mission: universal love
attitude: jus' don't give a fuck
ain't makin' mega bucks
getting by
telling few lies
doling out luck
we are sole distributors, inc., by the way
of karma
a drama
WE DO IT TO EACH OTHER, YO!
you do it to your brother, lo
even done it to my mother, behold
pulling up those
continuously
around me
writhing on the floor
in a g o n y
until they're there up a b o v e m e
as I cry on the floor
in e b o n y
the way I want it
my enactment of the main story
and I wouldn't have it
any other way
the ashtray
needs emptyiiiiiiiiing
the Clipper
needs a
SHAKE
no I wouldn't have it any other way
that's me and Chris on the cooker
orchestrating beats dance
with fire
MAN
we were on fire
back then when we were more young
my boy he was
you were my boy
what happened to us now
Chris
where are you now
Virj?
inseparable
we fought each other on the floor
over a tripping over
glad that’s all over
now
we’re on to bigger things...
Wattsy, Nix, Eddie, Leroy...?
Ads’ gran with the eclairs
runnin’ up the stairs
then down the drainpipe
an escape foiled
we were Royaled!
camping out back garden on a double bed
might as well have been in the shed
didn’t last the night
his big bro was right...
a panging surge
of love
for Hussein
not Usain
those are my heroes
we all need some heroes
I miss them
fucking really miss them and the times we had
like I miss
Colman's mustard
and Clover butter
nowadays, I lost my stutter
but I'm still a long way from home
momma
momma's sick
and it's like
I don't even care
turned a cheek
not spoke another letter
should know better
should know a whole lot better
by now
she brought me here
ladies forgive us
you gotta forgive us
for we know not what we do
breaking hearts
buggin’ out and shit
fuck now
it's emotional
vision blurry
but not in no hur-ry
so sit back and listen
watch me glisten
reclining back on this here bench
spitting my top bestest French
this is going deep
bare deep
but listen
poppa too
listen to my fizzin’
you listen here now
I'm getting raw now
fuck I'm a long way from home now-
adays
and HOW
back in 'days
poppa told me about
the game
made me hate
the game
told me who's
to blame
and how it works
but what the hell he know?
he lost his flow
I don't wanna be like him
and all my life I said
"I don't wanna be like him"
idiocy, pure rage
jus' a faze
against his strict machine
the wrong machine
raw and mean
he's my poppa that lost his sheen
but I got a
LOTTA
love
for
him
for all us
we all need it
still
boy, still
do we all need it
now
not tomorrow
NOW
don't fret
it ain't used up
it's all topped up
just started
yo I tell you now bro
my flow
just
started
I got it all for you
whole world for you
turnin' 29
feelin' like
19 & 9,999
been to Mongolia & back
never looked back
they said it made me changed me
THEY LOVE ME
THEY HATE ME
what the hell they learn
from the TV screen
think they wanna be just like me
do it then!
Just
let
go
let go
you ain’t that important, you know
achievements missed
appointments dissed
statements hissed
it don’t matter
not unlike moss
unto a rock
holding on
reaching out
crying out
for dear life
inconsequential
well you got a life
but you don't know how to live it
do ya fool
jester!
fester!
unknowingly
restricting, constricting
your lot, your career
in the limelight
THAT is all around us
it comes from within
via good livin’
glowing thru grin
SHINE ON BROTHER
SHINE ON SISTER
I got so much goodness in me
overloaded with the stuff
but tell me WHY
huff, puff
why is there so much hate still
when there's so much light still
'nuff to fill
hollywood bowl
this whole world
hundred times
over?
I know why
'cos it's rough
out there
yeah it's real rough
out there
people reach lower down to depths
not higher for much less effort
poppa again told me it would be like this
he showed me the numbers
told me how it is
what you're up against
son
is the whole world
man
"pa I'm not a man
I'm jus a young boy
doing my thing
flowin' like
w t r
a e
you know?"
I said
he told me
a Persian word
to describe it
forgot it (Lajbaz?)
"like a paper floating in the wind"
(motion with the hands)
"that's it!"
I said
that's me
floating in the wind
(over lands)
being me
nobody else
egotistical?
maybe
but true?
maybe
am I there yet?
maybe
did I learn shit yet?
MAYBE
can we get off yet?
NO!
not done with you yet
lots to learn
lots to see
and a whole lot to give
still
perched on my sill
doing my thing
purposeless
possessionless
hole-y
okay
couple a books
drum banged to death (thanks Wattsy, still got it)
blue guitar can't play (thanks sis, still flaunt it)
and a helmet I don't wear (Bangkok, via Eesti)
less I have
more I feel
LESS I HAVE
MORE I FEEL
hard life,
I had
NO
it was a
CHARMED LIFE
I had
god,
if he's got a sense of humour
then the joke's on us
believe me
god,
he put a smile on my face
my brother's preferred anthem
whatever happened to him?
met him i was
already half-grown
thought he was an
IDOL
tell you one thing
don't believe in false
IDOLS
brother turned sour
by the hours
not a fault, he couldn’t flower
he couldn’t shine
it's not our FAULTS
it's our
LOVE
FAULTS
FAULT
LINES
undoes us
woes us
wows us
bows down to us
it's all there is, jus'
LOVE IS ALL THERE IS
the Beatles said it
jus'
a driving force
of all we know and don't
which is a LOT
all told (I won't)
you gotta treat it right
this
l - o - v - e
thing
you gotta treat it right
you gotta eat it right
and
do it right
I said it before but I'll say it again
beware false idols
and untruths
they will hurt you
pain you
throw you
off
course
they are only idols as far as you
make them
yes for sure
of
course
you
make them
thus you can
BREAK THEM
standing at the top of a mountain
screaming and shouting
a surreptitious
a
v
a
lanche
washing away phonies
falsehoods, fakes
and quacks
jump the cracks, quick boy
remember your mothers' backs
you'll be fine
you'll always be fine
you'll make it through
to
another day
as long as it goes on
your show of life
no point fretting
‘bout the future
its coming
any --- way
trust me I speak no lies
tell me
what you know about in future tense?
huh?!
all you know of is EXISTENCE
no more no less
proof of concept
an idea
a notion
a nothing
think we're so smart
we
taking apart hearts
on theatre table
but still not see
we
what's coming round the corner
just folklore and fable
glad I wasn't born a peasant
me
no time
for thinking
me
just work
gee
I got it good
me
so damned fucking
luck --- y
what did I do
to draw a hand
like this
piece of piss
next time might not be
so easy
next time might be you knockin’
on my door
askin’ to sleep on floor
money to get some food
money for a way out the hood
brother, sister
so BE NICE
try to have endless
compassion
it’s not so easy
it needs a passion
to want to do what’s right
not about what fits your life
behave
listen knave
I seen
with eyes
things you wouldn't believe
believed things you couldn't see
with eyes
happiness (love)
spreading, catching, pandemic
EPIC
reverse magnet
it goes on
and on
partied for seventeen and half
days
‘cept the half was actually another three
had some moments
and a half
drank the glass, plus three
and a half
catching eyes catching eyes
watching moments
pass through
meeting spirits
laugh anew
s’what it’s all about
that laugh -
from the belly, mind
not the top of the mouth
false, the pout
got no clout
I’ve had my bouts
by the way
of no laughter, tears, isolation
disconnection
it’s happening right now in fact
sitting here on my own
wearing a frown
not my usual crown
I’m not immune
to the tune
of melancholy
I know
brother/sister
I know
it’s not all folly
impossible to be full on jolly
I don’t know much
but I do know this;
work thru the pain, migraines, and sores
all kind of bores
there’ll be another side
you’ll reach your innerside
slide into groove, move
fade to
la la la la laa laaa laaaaaaa
back up, back up
‘cos it’s on
me and ya
we racked up, cracked up, hurting
and here I am blurting
inner consciousness
we’re all a part of
not apart from
stars that were formlessness
defined
now we’re unconsciousness
“refined”
asleep under a tree
snoozing through breeze
air and us as one unit
we don’t know the synonyms of life
we blew it
not too late though
sure o’ it
I wanna write this down
tell you how I feel
tomorrow may never come
tomorrow may never show
I ain’t no perfect man
no I’m not the Taliban
I’m just a rasta man
I’m tryin’ do
the best that I can
and by electric candlelight
my hands’ll write
this scrawl
‘til I’m burnt out
put my heart and soul into this
y’all, my drawl
continues
the saga continues
unabated
debated; the integrity
don’t care
you didn’t pay no fare
for
T H I S . . .
S H O W . . .
of heart, which had a start
can’t see no finish
now let’s talk about my sis
we used to diss
each other
I’m the big brother
always got the shit
even though she was
the little shit
I got the worst of it
from momma, papa
no, we BOTH got the worst of it
pulled outta school
I was jus’ eight years old, sis was like four
“Where we goin’ ma?”
“Holiday kid now shut up, do as ya told!”
catch a glimpse of pa
remember sis?
thru the back of the car
thru the brown antenna
on the rear window
see daddy’s old plate
UDF
that car was great
cream, hot leather seats
fourteen seconds to 60mph
but wait
don’t neglect my sis
she was only half my age
three months hadn’t seen him
broke our hearts - pain/rage
to see him driving away
I mourned
did he see us, did he see us
all the night sobbing ‘til early morn
after some time got to see him again
broken man
once a week, overseen by our nan
one or two hours, that was deemed enough
tell me mister judge what you know about enough?!
It’s okay, I got over that
sis, did you get over that?!
Took a lotta years to figure out
I needed to get
OVER
THAT
family
that’s a funny one, that!
and you wonder why I don’t trust ya
with my history
made as a child to sit at table finish the food
that wasn’t my food
where’d the good stuff go?
made to sit
by a man that didn’t care to know
my story
turned my rage to him
he wasn’t prepared
lately I worked out most my problems
come from family
this little unit
so secular
give it some thought it’s actually a little
peculiar
weird, warped
my whole perspective
shaped by two consenting
and a sibling
not enough, surely
to give a rounded outlook
I needed more books!
but here I go talking ‘bout me
AGAIN
but it’s all I know
my friend
my lady story
in all its glory
yeah I know you got yours too
friend
just as valid, too
starts like
“It was a dark and stormy
night”
we full o’ them
so many tales
ones you couldn’t even dream
mad goings on
five year old girl stacking bricks for a half and 2 bucks
WHAT THE FUCK?!
No respite from beast, element nor economy
so please tell me what the hell is wrong with we?!
that’s in Pakistan
one of so, so, so
soooooooo many daily lives
we all on these drives
to nowheresville
encompassing all
from
Gabon
to
To -- kyo
stories from
down below
left right center
inside, out
the unbroken web
that connects us
weaves us
and makes leaves of us
off the tree of tales
roll up, roll up
step right up to the front please, ma’am
pick any story you feel, man
take it home
make it yours make it real, damn
at least live a truth, dang
tell it like you see it,
BANG!

This is a poem written by Kaonashi a few years ago. The narrator does not share all the artist's views, but feels the text has some ideas values worth sharing. Original, exclusive content (as all posts are).