I am the artist formerly known as SGTechServices and lost access to my account, but I'm back and bringing you another original piece as I work toward poetry book #3. I hope you like it.
Maybe I'm Not So Bad
Well, maybe I'm not so bad
Maybe I don't make it all about me like you often said.
One time, two times, a hundred times a thousand times.
Strafing me with bullets in the morning, Noon and nighttime.
Maybe I'm not so bad. I'm pulling myself up in spite of everything you said
One night, a hundred nights, we never made it to a thousand nights
Driving home on no sleep after yet another fight.
But hey that's alright You're alright and I'm alright.
You tried your hardest to plant the seeds of doubt
And I gotta admit, you almost took me out.
Making me question every move, every decision
Every look, every word, in every situation
Another fire in my chest,
Another struggle session
You could have stopped the waterboarding any time you liked
But I left that to your discretion
We started off behind the 8-ball
And I know that it was all my fault, but
It seems to me that you would never make
An attempt to acknowledge the steps I would take
Hunting reassurance in every crevice and crack
Instead I fell into the abyss and I shattered my back
And my spine and my femur and I'm under attack
Shots from the outside I can dodge and escape
But the attacks from “my person" were too much to take
From sunshine and warmth to the chill of the freezer
You were the Brutus to my Julius Caesar.
And this isn't just me firing back
I'm not a drywaller trying to plaster the cracks
You made your choice and I have respect for that
But the way you did it was just kinda sad
You enlisted someone else to unplug the machine
Disappeared like a ghost if you know what I mean
You took your own words and undid everything
I guess we were never that much of a team
I even wish you and him the best
Hey look, just me taking the high road again.
I hope he shows you the love, the respect, and the reverence.
But please try a little bit harder to tame your aggression
I know I should spit blood towards your new man
I just don't want to see anyone torn down like that again.
Well, maybe I'm not so bad
Maybe I don't make it all about me like you often said.
One time, two times, a hundred times a thousand times.
Strafing me with bullets in the morning, Noon and nighttime.
Maybe I'm not so bad.
I'm pulling myself up in spite of everything you said
One night, a hundred nights, we never made it to a thousand nights
Driving home on no sleep after yet another fight.
But hey that's alright You're alright and I'm alright.
I ditched my pen
I dropped my mic
Never again
This is my life
I bit my tongue
I held my breath
Till I turned blue
It felt like death
I should have stiffened up my spine
Told you exactly what was on my mind
I didn't set fire to these lines to be dissin' you.
Truth be told there are still some times that I'm missing you.
Finally, I'm the voice that I'm gonna be listening to.
Gonna stand up, and do the things I said I'd do
it's okay if you don't read this, disagree, don't understand
I got to get this out, I'm a Wordsmith that's what I am.
Hey, I don't want it to sound like I'm getting hateful.
You did a lot for me, so it's all love, and I'm grateful.
There were many good times so don't get me wrong
Music nights, whisky nights, 3Gee singalongs
Smoking treats, having drinks in your backyard playing bocce
TV shows, game shows, felt like I won the lottery
The wins don't ever last long, victory is fleeting
I will stay locked in the game until this heart stops beating
I went into this with an open mind, open heart, didn't need any persuasion
I jumped right in, gave it a real shot, like Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations
I know you doubt my sincerity, and you question my integrity
But I had the best intentions, and I'll fight anyone that questions me
Maybe one day we can rise above this because what I want the most
Is to sit across from you, have a drink or two, and raise a glass to toast
That life is too short and it can end so unexpectedly
We can always use more people in our corner, that's what I'd like to see
So give it some thought and see if that's something you would embrace
If not, no harm done, have a good life, you've got my digits just in-case.