As you choke me
so many thoughts race through my mind-
how you stole me,
plucked me from the miniscule parts of society only to place me
in this complex web of
deceit,
lies,
sex,
drugs,
rock n' rave -
open wounds and
pastry dishes filled with food you'd never eat
that I slaved over to cook for you -
I LOVED YOU!!!
Yes, I love you, but love gets you nowhere when
two people love each other so much
that they end up loving each other too much
and one person's love turns to lust,
then disgust,
then hate -
Is that it,
do you hate me?
Do you hate me for what I've "made" you,
for the darkened parts I illuminated that you never realized were there?
When you raped me did you do it for kicks
or for the internal damage and
the realization that you knew I would never be able to leave you again,
like a seal branded into my body
making me yours
because I'd be too broken to see
that anybody else could possibly deserve me,
that I could possibly deserve better?
Because now I can never see myself
with anyone but you.
And it's sick.
And it hurts.
And I'm so lost and confused and
I can't see out of this tunnel we both digged into
and I don't know who to blame
even though it's obvious
considering I was only thirteen when you met me.
You raised me.
And now I'm just a pile of bones.