I resist being called bossy. I am a leader.
I speak for the disenfranchised. I am a hero.
I take unpopular stances. I am a revolutionary.
I have spoken to hearts and brought tears.
Been congratulated and lauded for my efforts.
Patted on the back.
But though I am LOUD: I am also often wrong.
Though I am eloquent, I am often misleading.
Though I am strong, I have bullied; making me weak.
When the voices that I have been drowning out begin to rise above the den;
I hear their anger.
I hear their pain.
I LOOM STRONGER in my indigence.
Instead of shutting the F**k up.
I could never be the cause of their pain.
"They" are only taking out their drama on me.
I am not who "they" are talking about.
Shut the F**k up.
Yes. It's me.
It is not the overt racist.
It's not the overt sexist.
It is not the stereotype of the wrong
It is the undercover assailant.
The ideologue warrior,
refusing to see she is fighting both sides.
By speaking over.
Speaking for others
who did not ask me to speak for them
By telling MY side of events
By shutting out the experience of others
To save wounded ego and keep appearances
Words used as weaponry to break systems
Can also be used to break people
By the same people.
By me.
There is power in Shutting the F**k up.
Power in LISTENING louder then we talk.
I may not be forgiven.
No one owes me that.
I forgive myself.
Choosing to step forward.
Listen harder.
Step aside.
Amplify others.
Use my voice judiciously and consciously.
Not manipulatively.
Be still in discomfort and vulnerability.
Release my jabber.
Accepting that there is more power for everyone when I Shut. The F**k. Up.