Hello, Ethan! I wanted to stop by and provide feedback, since you requested it. I’m going to break your piece down by stanzas, then provide an overall review.

The first stanza is fairly straightforward. It captures the idea of an emotional void rather well and is clear on its meaning. Mechanically speaking, the comma after the first line should be a period. While some will argue against correct punctuation in poetry, your style does not require a dismissal of the rules. Therefore, because line 1 and 2 are both independent clauses, a comma fits better. Also, the syllabic distribution between the lines is a bit offputting. It’s not a massive issue, but I thought I’d address it. Rather than “it is keeping”, I would change it to “it keeps.” For one, it keeps us simple present. Secondly, that extra syllable in the second line breaks the natural rhythm you’ve created. I would also change the comma after brain to a colon because of the list in line 4. I also do not believe you need to capitalize No all three times. It draws too much emphasis to the wrong places.

I like the simile in line 6, but I think you can remove “the inside of” so that it reads my head is a ghost town. Again, all of this has to do with syllable structure. You also should change the comma after around to a period (two complete sentences should not be separated by a comma. That’s a comma splice.)

I’m not a huge fan of the third stanza. I would remove it.

For the fourth stanza, the extra line destroys your rhyme and the rhythm. Start the stanza with”There’s no desire” and change into to to. Small change but it does wonders for the reading. This is the first stanza other than the third where it felt like the rhyme was forced. Look at the “pull out” line and play around with it. See if you can incorporate looking into the future for a nice contrast.

For the final stanza, the internal rhyme with ball and hall is excellent, but you need to fix the final line. If you’re going to write an entire poem with rhyme, the line that doesn’t rhyme has to be earth shattering, and at the moment it isn’t. Instead of focusing on the mellow night as the closer, see if you can’t incorporate a way to use nothing Or everything (the latter would, again, create an excellent contrast.)

Overall, this poem was fun. The topic itself is depressing, but this read sort of whimsically. The biggest thing you need to work on is syllable distribution and structure. Otherwise, I think you’re on the right track.

If you have any questions, please ask. I teach writing for a living, and I love nothing more than helping other poets.