even if I want you
immediately, instantaneously
my feelings will unfold
slowly, delicately
with the consistency
of your presence
-*-
So this poem is obviously a very tender piece. It was written while I was trying to understand why I felt so hesitant romantically or sexually when I was attracted to people. It was peculiar because I wasn't necessarily shy or self conscious about intimate relationships. Just... reserved. After a lot of growing and trying different things, learned over time that naturally I like to get the "lay of the land" so to speak. 😂
I saw plenty of examples in life and in media of people saying they wanted something and just going for it quickly. I tried that many times, thinking that if I wasn't moving quickly I wouldn't move at all. But age was a good addition here because with time I've learned that I naturally flow into the right moment to do something when I feel like it's time. It's good to have self control and do things you don't want to do sometimes, but it's also very freeing to be so in touch with your body that you don't need to wonder when the right moment "is". We can miss a lot of beautiful things about life if we try to rush too quickly. I seem to have a slower pace to things than I was taught to recognize so it feels good to have faith that I am on time, no matter what my pace is in relationships.
xo
Ciel
