A Lesson in Softness | NaPoWrimo Day 15

I tried to fight
with the sea today;
flailing my arms and
thrashing about
as I stormed in
with determination,

ready to catch (hold of) a wave
and show it what
I'm capable of.

Instead, it took
everything I was feeling
and made it two-fold,
crashing into my bones,
sending waves through my heart,

wind pushing
      waves pushing
             me
till I was thrown
back on the shore

slightly battered and bruised,
with a cavern where my ribs were
and my gut in my hands.

But it came back,
to caress my wounds
gently lapping around my feet,
beckoning me to come in
so we could dance again,

only to send me reeling back
over and over,
till humbled, I fell
at the ocean floor.

Then the ripples played
with my hair
and interlaced with my fingers
and it is only when I heard
the waves roar
and then hum,

that I realised,
this was not tough love,
but a lesson in softness,
even in
might.

About this Poem

I went surfing again today and the waves and wind were stronger than my first time. It made it tougher to get into the ocean and then to stand on the board without getting thrown off. It was when we were struggling to get in that my instructor joked about having to fight with the waves, except he said it in Tamil - sandai podano. I joked back that we had to put in so much effort into getting in, only to get thrown off the board. But he was patient with me and wasn't disappointed, especially when he did most of the work of pulling the surf board in to the sea every time, and we kept at it, again and again.
I even got thrown off my board and fell in front of it ( you're supposed to fall back so the board won't crash into you when the waves hit), and I went under so the board could go above me and not hit me. Instead, I hit the ocean floor and came back up with a cut lip and scraped nose.

I still persevered, going back in again and again, and it was when I was done surfing and went back in for a swim that I noticed the softness of the waves and how gentle they were. It made me think, this is how I want to be, with a softness to my strength.

I hope the context allows you to appreciate the word play of catching waves and falling to the floor - quite literally, haha!