I write you this from the middle of nowhere. You've gone with a part of me that tells me where I am. I don't know where to start or where I stand. I know you can't read this but I'll to word it as best as I can.
Shahida, the beauty in your eyes when I saw you. My pains disguised and came so fine that I thought I was the only man alive. Your smile, you see why you're different? You came in with neither a frown nor a cry but with a smile. The world paused as I held you. Little drop of tears came running as I hugged you. You seem to realise the slow pace of my heart beats as you placed your hands right where my heart is. Then my body moved gently, slowly taking in what you couldn't tell me. The best feeling was when your mother came and we hugged and shed tears, for the years pased where we were mocked by our friends. Your coming was a blessing at its worst and a miracle at best.
When the doctor said you didn't say a word and didn't move a leg, I didn't care for your face bore radiance, your smile was calm. You're peace in its ambiance and I was glad. We went home and noticed that you couldn't move your tongue, couldn't say a word, couldn't make reports, couldn't even have friends as people wouldn't want their kids to have fun with a dumb but you my love....wasn't bothered at all. You still smiled. I still loved you. What you couldn't say in words, we did with our eyeballs and as long as we're one, your inability to talk isn't enough reason....you're still my world.
We woke up to the shock of mummy passing away as she shopped. We read the report of how she as trying to hop won a bike to get you a doll. She mistook her steps and went for a fall. Our world came crashing but still... your smile was worth more than their words. I still had you so I didn't sink deep in sorrow as it did pull me up.
Shahida, the day you followed a trail and went out at night, that day literally ended my life. I shouldn't have slept, no, shouldn't have gone to bed. I could have stayed awake and stories we'll tell. I didn't lock the door and I went to rest. I've forgotten how bad the streets are that I prioritized my tiredness and went for a rest. I woke up to your absence. Shahida, where have you gone? I shouted. You heard. You couldn't reply so I didn't hear. I should've learnt your language. I should have sold myself. I should've done anything possible to communicate with you at the far end. Minutes turned days till I discovered your body defiled and mutilated. My love, I forgot tell you of the fetish ascribed to those who can't talk but you wouldn't blame me. I wanted you to know good and not always bad. I wanted to teach you how to walk before getting to a stage where we'd have to run. I didn't know. You were only 6 so what could I've done? Teach you of the evil of man and what the world has become? Teach you how at 6 you should hear a whisper and not turn? How you shouldn't see an old woman at night and never to respond? How to knock? My love, what?
Shahida!
I don't know the baby between both us. You're stronger as you've held my hand as if consoling me for my loss. Your smile plastered, I don't know what.
So I look up.
I know you're where you'll talk
And pray for daddy afterwards.
