I really appreciate the well written comment Hive account@intspekt. I agree with everything you've said as well. I've always felt some kind of kinship with people who take their own life as stupid as that may sound to a lot of folks. I tried myself when I was 27 and ended up in the hospital for a torturous night of having my stomach pumped and I swore I'd never do it again. After all the things that has transpired in the years since, I've lived a whole other lifetime since that day full of joy and sorrow deeper than I could've ever imagined and I still have resisted and stayed around, not just for my children, but out of this strange curiosity. The thought to me that many find them selfish is alien concept to my mind. They are just more brave and willing to do it rather than stay in a place full of shallow and meaningless arguments. I don't want to see them go but I get it, I understand. I look longingly at my shot gun every other day myself. I think I do it on purpose to just remind me that I should not do it. I don't want my kids to not have any parents left. Even after they leave the nest I plan to just disappear and live the rest of my life camping from place to place.
I look at depression as something that certain folks just have to live with and sometimes it is why they die, just like any other disease, but it's just harder and more mysterious thing to treat. I'm not sure.
<3