I laid my heart across the altar and spilt blood
poured love
died
Taken in
and pushed out
sacrificed as an offering
I’m the left
the abandoned
the forgotten
The kid that did not follow the rules
the one whipped for questioning
the one that was never good enough
Fire-born and orphan-forged
There is no mother
there are others though
older ladies that have been kind
ladies that have seen in me
something they could not express
A pungent taste,
a glitter in the eye
A Daddy? He is a man that either beats you
or pays
but no mother
no net to fall in
no home
The world has been harsh to me and many others
yet, the stories I see, the people's photos are all glossy
and sparkly
happy holidays, baby
happy birthday
happy
happy
I got dirt, and the buckled belt to my flesh
Blood-bound means nothing in the face of these things
I became strong the first time I ran away
at six to get away from death by the hands of a man
death from the end of a broken bottle,
death from the dankness of a root cellar
death with every breath
The streets and running have been my way of survival
the dark places people don’t see
the night babes' wonderment is mine
and still I rise from the darkness
I’m the ember under the extinguished fire left
and I’m burning
still
O Death,
the one companion whose promises mean something
You that have been my compass
and sustenance
Death, you of the ever-burning eye
Your closeness is that of the mother's
I never had
A million dagger-toothed smiles from a million people that only know security
those that shop the pain away, or push it down
a pill
or cocktail
sex
or that TV show
Those that say I’m interesting
but only from the safe distance
of the gallery glass
There was once space for artists
that come from the wood
wild and alive
now they train them
pop them like pills
wallpaper art
hollow words gone to memes
inspirations from safe spaces
I can tell you of strangers that seem nice, nicer than the places you’ve come from
how they will sell your ass
your young
run-away ass
and somehow are still nicer
than your family
even if that valium makes it
not hurt for a while
I can tell you of doors shut and lights turned off
of how a little place under a thicket can feel like the most
welcome
safe
home
I can tell you of the wood and wilds
how the elements become alive when there is nothing
to separate you
how you become
the winds
and rain
nature’s rage
the decay
just under-foot
I’m the secret that is pushing up from the long-forgotten bog of human compliance and complacency
I’m the fire within a fire
and I’m burning brighter
now
I can tell you of the monsters walking round in nice clothing
and brushed hair
needle-toothed niceties
But I cannot tell you of this light within
because it’s nameless
and only those that
wander the badlands
see it
It’s a glitter in the eye
a pungent taste
a space
a place
a million
things
and
nothing
There is no title
I bear
no banner
or tag
no meme
no mother
here.
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