All your life you deprived yourself from the only love you knew you needed;
All your life you begged for that love from another being who is much like yourself ― uncertain, lost, and broken;
All your life you failed to see what's given to you from the start because you were blinded from a love that is temporary and fragile;
All your life you prayed for things to change only to experience the same thing twice ― the latter one being the most painful of the two;
All your life you tried loving another person when you can't love you.
Dear Self,
If I ask you the things I've been meaning to ask, I know the answers will be the ones I've been meaning to avoid. There are times when I hate you for loving too much; leaving yourself enough love to last a day. How about tomorrow or the next? You'll go berserk again, starve yourself, until he feeds you enough to last another day? Please do not live that way. Please do not love that way.
That is not love.
That is not the kind of love you need in your life. That is not the kind of love that will grow into a beautiful, more fulfilling kind of love. That is not the kind of love that will make you want to love yourself more. That will only make a monster out of you. That love will only bruise your heart until it can no longer love again. That love will make you the version of yourself that you cannot be proud of.
That is not love.
Love is like your first coffee in the morning ― warm and a day-setter;
Love is like finally eating your favorite Cinnamon roll after months of trying not to buy one because of how expensive it is;
Love is when you see cats running towards you because they want to taken care of;
Love is when you hear your family saying a heartfelt thank you to you because you were able to give them surprise presents in Christmas;
Love is when you're finally decided to let go of the things you wished to be love.
See the pattern yet? Love is not something you receive from other person; it is something you bring to yourself and give to others. Love is something you surround yourself with. Love is something you let go when it is not good. Love is forgiving yourself when you are unforgivable. Love is being kind to yourself when all you see are red marks and retreat flags.
Embrace all that is you.
Love yourself more.
I love you.
