All of us were required to express how we felt about our first experience cutting into a cadaver. Here's my piece, called, "Unforgettable."
Unforgettable
This morning I woke up and went through my regular daily routine
Brush my teeth, shower, put on deodorant, walk the dog, feed the dog, eat breakfast, take care of schoolwork
Except
Today was anything but regular
Today was the first day of Anatomy Lab
Today was the first day, as a friend remarked, where we really FEEL like we’re in Med-School
Walking down the aisle to my station, everyone looked similar
Scrubs on, closed toed shoes, gloves, goggles
Except
Their expressions
Some nervous, some excited, some scared, some half-asleep
But most I saw were anxious
I wonder what expression I had?
We were in a room full of doctors, instructors and teaching aids
All giving us encouragement and directions
Groups were to jump in and get started by uncovering “their” body
Yet
Some hesitated for a brief moment
A brief but awkward moment, where all twelve eyes met
Maybe to compose themselves
Maybe to think, “This is crazy..”
Maybe to give a moment of silence
Who knows? But we did hesitate, only for a moment.
Before we knew it, the whole class was in motion
Plastic coverings being removed, towels being placed, precise incisions being made
People hustling and bustling about to get the day’s activities done
To stay on task
Yet
There were those people who were perfectly still
Some showed expressions, maybe even emotions
Before I knew it my first day of Anatomy Lab was over
It didn’t seem all that bad, just another lab right?
Until
I had time to think to myself.
Then my mind exploded with questions, with rationales, with explanations
I just cut into a human body. Did I really just do that?
WHO DID I JUST CUT INTO?
What was she like? Did she have kids? Did she eat a lot? Was she nice? Was she a typical grandmother? Was she diabetic? How did she die? Where was she from? How did her family feel about this?
I’m so sorry
Why?
Why did she decide to do this?
I wish I knew
I wish she could tell me
I wish that there was a letter to explain all these things to me
Instead
She’ll lay there, perfectly still in Lab A
With her lips silently clasped forever
What I do know is her last act was one of grace, dignity and sheer sacrifice for the world
What I do know is that I’ll remember her for a lifetime
Although I may not get to know who she was
I’ll get to know her, probably better than I know myself
I’ll honor and respect her to the best of my ability
I have a duty to her and to society now
A duty to use the knowledge she will impart on me
To become a physician who respects and cares for others as I do for her
Her decision will have a resonating effect for years to come
Both on me and on those whom I encounter
I know she has long passed and moved on
Yet
I still wish she can hear me say
Thank you.
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Also check out my blog for a more detailed read about my journey!
Regards,
O.