Facing the truth,
I find discomfort & pain...
I've sought success -
yet must accept great failures;
seeking wisdom,
I've been unwise -
living not by my word,
but fear...
Before me, my world crumbles
as the illusions I've buried myself in shatter -
no long can my head remain in the sand - nor the clouds...
the wake-up call is now...
All the positive intention nothing
without the proper action -
the right action impossible
without right being -
pure being unattainable
without the awareness
I've hidden myself from entering...
Who am I
when the lights come on
and the shadows are exposed
for the anchors they are -
my worst enemy to be found in the mirror -
the savior in the same image?
I've put up an image of success -
while in reality diving deeper towards rock bottom;
who has dishonesty served,
but the ego?
What has the escapism created,
besides increasing chaos?
How has the concealment of my fears and weaknesses brought gain,
aside from inflation of a superiority complex
bound to self-destruct everything sacred?
When did I believe God would let me pass go while breaking all the rules -
delivering fulfillment of egoic desires after abandoning His wisdom & laws of order?
Why has it taken so long to realize the futility of my ways up until this point?
With a commitment to personal development,
I've invested years in learning -
though seeming worse off than when I started -
knowledge bringing power,
yet also clouding my vision -
reliance upon outer guidance
has silenced that within -
running in circles,
a downward spiral's been created
into the point of decision
at which my ways must change...
Without rhythm or discipline,
my capacities have dwindled -
no steady pace has been set,
nor a solid direction confirmed;
had I truly expected success to land on my lap,
without my nurturing of its needs?
So inflexible I've been...
claiming to have an open mind,
while preconceptions & acquired knowledge have reinforced its gates -
thought its closedness of small effect in comparison
to the shutting down of the heart -
in isolation, I've detached,
disconnecting from Source, myself, and others -
having created my own limitations with the rigidness
of an ego-dominated existence,
blocking the arrival of all well & desired...
All pride vanishes
as I reassess the level of authenticity
I've had with myself -
though the disappointment of having fallen short of living my values
painfully stinging, a blessing in disguise
as the door opens for a humility required
to transcend my immaturity
and align with the principles
of the Higher Self...
Without becoming absorbed in the negativity -
remaining detached & observing -
the dark truths must be confronted -
for turning a blind eye to them for so long
has only brought disorder & despair...
Only through the acceptance of my worst,
might I accept my best -
and bring it out into the world to serve,
rewriting my future to a rhythm
of inspirational being...
Fears having consumed & controlled me -
what do I choose now?
Now over the misconception of forever-lasting courageous breakthrough,
knowing fear can never be shaken off,
but rather embraced as a companion -
the revelation emerges -
each moment unfold as another opportunity
to exercise my commitment to embodying love over fear -
resistance of the anxiety that's plagued me for years futile -
its allowance to give way to the opposite,
the calm confidence of conscious recentering
in the holistic truths binding each moment to the next -
tied down by nothing real nor imagined...
Judgements clouding my perception -
the alchemical key of forgiveness,
shall I let in?
Realizing the weight of guilt, shame, and regret-burdened memories,
I face the turning point of release -
unable to change the past,
though learning & growing,
the detachment from my errors may bring freedom -
letting go of condemnation, accepting my humanity -
opening to light by closing the dead-ends of darkened residues,
dying & being reborn in the spirit of self-acceptance...
At what point besides now
may I create the possibility of transformation
into the radiant spirit driving love?
Yesterday gone and the future but an illusion,
no other time but the present to do & become -
my identity only a collection of thoughts
carried forward from the past,
it is here with the cessation of the breath into their continuation,
a misdirection of creative energy,
space is cleared for perception of the absolute, enduring constant -
beyond fleeting thoughts & flowing emotions,
my soul speaks its long-forgotten Truths
as consciousness is restored to this point in eternity...
Many visions I've held fading,
as priorities come into order -
other getting clearer
as what's most important becomes ever more evident;
aspirations & ambitions declining,
as unfulfillable ego desires become exposed,
while my heart's deepest yearnings intensify,
free from the confusions of the mind's misguided influences...
Yet with all these vibrant dreams,
may I be blessed with the strength
to turn my lead into gold -
tears into nourishing showers of joy -
mistakes into lessons learned -
all my experience into the foundation for unprecedented abundance...
May I rise from the consciousness that has brought me here
to one of continual ascendence into
greater realms of Truth, empowerment, and service...
With the awareness of my wayward ways having sabotaged my expansion,
may I surrender to the will of a Divine order -
allowing my erroneous thoughts & actions the freedom
to be of contrast,
guiding my focus towards the results I most desire -
the outcomes most in line with the unshakeable core
of who I am...
As I return to honesty,
may my destiny unfold -
the heartache & struggles,
just bumps in the road...
written July 2010