This weekend has been perfectly imperfect - and what I mean by that is that it's been equally beautiful as it was tough.
This weekend I flew out to Florida with my boyfriend's son so we could visit his dad. I left my wallet/purse/credit/debit cards/all cash/phone chargers on the plane. I didn't have any means of buying a new charger (my phone was dying of course) let alone food. My boyfriend was at work all day. The airplane left (without finding my stuff) for another airport. It was a hot mess. But I cancelled my cards, changed my attitude, tried to be thankful and realized I couldn't control anything but my next breath. But then, round two last night: running late, long check-in lines an extended no-ID screening made us miss our return flight back. Another moment of tears, stress, and having to depend on everyone around me.
I've realized, this weekend, that I struggle with letting go. That it's so hard for me to let other people take care of me. That I have this exterior of toughness, and when it 'breaks' or gets shattered for a moment, I hate letting people see me weak. I break down. I lose the strength I normally carry.
This weekend has taught me that sh*t happens. But most importantly, it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to be human. It's okay to let things go, and rely on someone who loves you. It's okay to be imperfect. And at the end of the day, what's important? Not the missed flight, not the gas spent driving to and from the airport, not the $150 cash that's inevitably lost from my purse, not the cancelled cards or tears or moments of stress -- what really matters is health, love, safety, relationships, forgiveness, kisses, hugs, laughter, and living in the now.
I share this - not because I want pity or prayers but because sometimes life sucks and I think we all need to accept the humanness in that, and yet realize the beauty even amidst the mess. Things didn't go my way (at all) this weekend. But I shared so many wonderful moments, had so much laughter and joy, and learned to let someone else help me. There's beauty in that. And I'm working on seeing it.