Recently, I’ve been swimming in the mornings, its been a long time since I was involved with water for anything past a shower and a drink. This morning I came to the sad realization, there is a fat man under these chiseled features, as I gasped for air and breathed in water my doggy paddle degraded to a splashing mess, The lifeguard was on her feet and watching, and I know she just wanted to skewer me with that hook they use for little kids that can’t swim. She was kind of cute though, Is it possible that my inability to swim could have showed a masculine appearance that she found slightly kinky? No, No I’m sure all that was on any ones mind was one question, “is he break dancing?”I went to the hot tub, time to relax… 20 minutes of a good swim today, although it involved the intake of enough water in my lungs to make me consider growing gills. Relaxing in the hot tub, I watched everyone else “freestyle” or as I would like to think “regular”, as I watched their hands cut into the water without splashing, and they glided along with a perfect form.I know you can’t compete in the Olympics after 5 years of no swimming and 3 mornings of embarrassment… so I will continue, and that fat man inside of me can either drown, or shape up…On the other hand, the lifeguard does know CPR… I can picture it now, her swimmer arms holding me in the air with the rod, my Croatian friend Zoran, screaming as sea weed hangs from my lips, I guess I’m Just a half a fish too little…