I wrote this in the middle of dealing with an episode of anxiety/paranoia.
I was ruled by my irrational fears and sporadic episodes of paranoia until I realized that writing poetry could give me that temporary escape until the emotions calmed down enough that my logic could regain control.
And at the same time, it allowed me time to understand that it, as well as most of my worries, are not real. They are just thoughts held within me.
Here's the poem and a detailed e explanation of what it means.
To Heal.....
As I hesitate to heal
I hear a chill in the night
I set still
paralyzed by fright
I might
Run from sights that I see that write
The things in my thoughts that I frequently fight
But with these words though weak
They are hope for life
I think that I can
I will survive tonight
Description:
"As I hesitate to heal I hear a chill in the night"
-In the wake of an argument with Abby I literally heard weird wind/storm sounds and it triggered a feeling of paranoia.
"I set still paralyzed by fright"
- I was at the end of my bed and I felt "stuck" because I noticed the feeling of paranoia.
"I might run from the thoughts that I see that write, the things in my thoughts that I frequently fight"
- This means, I might run from thoughts that make me paranoid that I have to fight.
"But with these words though weak
They are still hope for life
I think that I can
I will survive tonight"
- This means, but with these words (the poem I was writing), though weak, they are hoping for life, I think that I can
I will survive tonight
(even though it was hard to believe my words they give me enough hope to understand it okay, and it's worth not giving up.)