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A glimpse behind these eyes of mine
Past the nebulas crafted over time
There's a million thoughts that intertwine
I slip on through to another place
No need for heavy breathing
Nor time, in this empty space
Jump through the fires to find you
I wasn't looking for this
A reason to change my point of view
I tiptoe through my mind back to you
You're still there, the one I once knew
The one who made all my grey skies blue
You painted smiles over all my blank faces
Watching your lips move with every word he says
Covering wounds and lighting dark places
Never worrying about me or how my heart races
Who you are was unexpected
I meant to stay cold for the rest of this journey
So I pretend to be unaffected
Lights filled my room with smoke filled air
Never thought I'd find love in this atmosphere
So I pretend to be unaware
Self Care
It isn't always a spa day
Sometimes it looks a bit more unpleasant
As I peel back these layers, in more than one way
There's just some things I cannot do
I'll just blame it on the weather
Are you smiling too?
Do you talk to the moon?
I hope it's as true as the one I envision when I try to imagine how much I have fallen and flown past certain dreams and discussions
Nothing's ever that simple, never quite as it seems
Chasing these goals and creating new dreams
I'll get it right... eventually
Just like that, I wipe my slate clean
Create a new model, replacing old dreams
Row through the sorrow, waters smoother than cream
A tough act to follow, but it's time to be me
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Hi everyone! Hope you enjoyed this poem. I created it imagining a person going through some personal growth and saying goodbye to who they use to be in their minds and setting themselves free from the burden of carrying a certain cosmic karma.
I was discussing the thought of different circles of karma we all carry at any given time earlier today. I think it was individual karma, community karma, and cosmic karma. I say karma for lack of a better word to describe these circles of energy we've become or channeled over time. I really got into the idea of cosmic karma because it can be pretty interesting to think about.
Cosmic Karma
What I mean by this is there's things beyond the present day environment that shaped my reality. I was watching a Terrence McKenna video and it was definitely aligned with this thought I had about how the deeds of our ancestors created this karma that is beyond our control which we are witnessing unfold in our lives in a way that we can only observe unless a collective consciousness is formed to change trajectory, if that makes sense. This is something no one man can do by himself. I believe the same amount of energy that creates echo chambers is the same amount of energy it will take, but one step further. This is where the echo chambers formed are actually pieces of the same puzzle which is why I don't think these echo chambers are necessarily a bad thing. They just need to be taken into another phase where we morphe into our collective consciousness in a way that saves us from destroying ourselves.
Deep dream art by Clayboyn
I've heard all my life that it's impossible to have no enemies. Now I see that anyone can become your enemy when you refuse to understand them in their entirety. When you refuse to acknowledge their just as multifaceted as you are they just have a different path than you. It all comes back to the phrase "Do no harm, but take no shit." Although, sometimes part of my journey was taking alot of shit from others. Absorbing blame and shame in order for life to carry on around me. Sometimes all someone wants is to point the finger at something, someone to erase any part they played in shaping reality.
Now I see things differently. I've always been this blame vortex where I would just take the L for any given situation. It started in elementary or daycare when someone needed to be blamed for clogging a toilet with TP. The teacher said "none of you are going out for recess if the person who did it doesn't come forward." In my mind I was just thinking, recess is my only time to explore and do my own thing, and this kid is probably too embarrassed. Raises hand "It was me."
I had experience getting in trouble for this very same thing at home so I just took the blame. To the other kids, I was punished for it, but really, while I was in time out, the teacher gave me treats. She knew I was lying my ass off but it's like she understood why for some reason. I felt like she understood why I did it. To her being in that building, doing her job was mundane, but for me it was like a break from hell. Being at home was like a war everyday. It's no wonder all four of us siblings ended up in the military. War is all we knew besides the love and compassion of our mom. This kind of transformed once each of us hit teenage years. This is where she learned to let go one by one.
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She saw us go our separate ways. She had started another cycle of bearing children and slowly shifted her focus to her next generation. She had two kids which are my little brother and sister. Now that I have kids of my own I developed this level of understanding that wasn't there before. It takes a level of compassion and 'selfless' love to witness your kids rebel against you and leave you, then allow them the sense of home upon their return. No matter what we did or said, love was still there. I believe my mom understood what unconditional love is. She's not able to express it all the time but that's part of our human condition.
I kind of rambled here but sometimes it feels nice to let my thoughts flow freely onto a blog like this. I started this last night and woke up to finish my thoughts here.
My final thoughts are that what can change this sort of trial or test mindset of "why is this (always)happening to me" is just looking at any given moment like that and channeling love and compassion towards your own self. Not one person is in charge of this cosmic karma going on. It is a maximum collective effort which is beyond any one person's hands. We all have a hand in it but it is not carried by our hands alone. Namaste 🌸
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