And soo today is my birthday and its almost over
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEE ONCE AGAIN
So this mornin i was down at the corner of my dark room feeling defeated, sad, confused and tired to say the least.
Thoughts of "the unknown and what the future really holds scared the crap outta me..
No cakes....
No drinks ....
No nothing just me all alone with my thoughts
Every year I am left wondering what it would be like if one morning everyone that knows me gets to wake up and couldn't find me here.
Will i really matter.,.
What will they think of me..
Have thought of my life and how i really want it to be,
My plans..
My goals...
My aspirations and so many other stuffs just keeps dingin inside my head, and trully its scares alot outta me.
Lately words in the shape of knives have been thrown at me, it seems that everyone espcially in my house seem to have an opinion about what I should be doing with my life ever since i graduated a year ago and still waiting to serve.
Trully i have been confused because all the plans and dreams i wish for seems to b like a mirrage still waitn to come to reality
So today i sat at the liltle corner in that room till I was sore,
I saw myself like i was sitting at the edge of a carnal and contemplated jumping inside it.
This was all in my head.
All I seem to do other years when ever am lost in thoughts of my life is to stare into a void, feeling numb, and pretending to be strong.
Here i am at a dark corner in my rum filled with worried and troubled thouhts,
The only thing that seem to be getting me through are when ever am with few friends who usually tease me and complain about their bitter lives, 'especially my friend felix, then "words "words and big plans of touring the world from my name sake uche who strongly believes "we go blow when time comes", and also words from 
Cant really describe the words on how i got to see my Birthday this year and what it really felt like
Big thoughts of the future,
Plans of getting and living a better life so as to avoid Being Broke, And trying to be an adult, taking responsibilities and challanges that comes with it, especially in a town that feels as though it was built on a boom box, and a country were all hopes feels like its being tied upside out
But....
This is one of the year I actually woke up not Hating Myself.
And I belive it counts for something.
This is also the year i came to love the steemit blog, after being in it for long.
The steemit blog have really been a source of inspiration to trying out new ideas and plans without being scared of the fear of "the unknown", and i really thank 
Ofcourse this have really been a blessing indeed.
Despite the turn out of my present state,
The ups and downs,
The scary thoughts of being a failure,
The boring ideas of what i should be doing with my life each time i see my birthday coming.
Some kool friend's reminded of the fact that there would be plenty other birthdays and milestones to reach. I have got life and health, so every other thing is secondary.
Trully God have been soo great and kind in ways i cant even explain. Because he have really blessed me with wonderful people and lots of other things which i have not been thankful for since. And
Sooo..
Here is to shedding more skin, more spirit of being better than i was yesterday and movements in positivity,
abandoning old spaces that bring me nothing but pain.
Clinging on being the very best of me and shunning every ill thoughts by puting my self to work for a better future
This is me acknowledging that I have reached Rock bottom and there really is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.
And soo i took my self out today with a friend and the liltle fund i could get,
Spoilt my self a liltle tooo", yea ofcos i deserve it.
And tomorrow Easter i wil be goin out to church, and after Thanksgiving am going out on the street to feed the poor kids that begs for daily bread.
Let this place I am in, be the foundation I rebuild on.
The calls and texts both from friends and family and even those that have actually impacted positively or negatively in my life which have turned out to either be a blessing or lesson,
it have really written life into me. May you all find joy in uncommon places.
So am saying...
BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN TO @urchice.
Blessing and unending smiles shall always be my portion
I just want a happy birthday song to be sang as Fuji,
Cheerrrs to self love and God's blessings
#birthday
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