Hey, tcp. I found your link in the chat and decided to provide a little bit of feedback.

This piece is highly emotive. I have a feeling many reads will look at this and feel strongly once they’ve reached the end. You clearly addressed the topic of the contest, and you addressed some relatable aspects of loneliness.

In stanza one, I believe you’re a little too vague in your descriptions. The first two lines create a lovely set-up, but the second two don’t address the streets or the city that you’re walking through. I would provide some concrete imagery, rather than saying everything is different. Because I don’t know what city the narrator is walking, I’m not sure what different means. The burning in your heart enters abruptly.

I don’t understand the third line of the second stanza. I’m not sure who the question is directed at or what you mean by “What is wrong with…”

I think this piece would benefit tremendously from concrete imagery. Tell me about the streets, the city, why/how the narrator became lonely. With a bit of fleshing out, this piece could become even more emotional and impactful. As a first draft, this is a wonderful foundation that can quickly grow.