I've recently been pondering self-doubt and the darkness within quite a bit. Is some amount of this simply inherent in us all? How much of this is conditioned into us? From birth (and even earlier), we are being sent messages from subtle to blatant that we are not enough as we are - or that we are flawed. I do believe we are a constant work of art in progress. So perhaps it is inherent. Yet, still, I judge myself - and everyone around me.
Within the last couple years, I had a peculiar experience around this inner judgment. I thought all of my flaws and less than desirable traits would vanish. Why? Well, I was going through a Kundalini Awakening - a process that took over 2 years to integrate and smooth out. And given the hell I was going through, I thought for sure I'd emerge this radiant beauteous wonder. I think many of us tend to think of awakenings resulting in luminous beings of awesomeness. Don't we?? Anyway, I did certainly emerge much stronger, wiser and loving. However, just as the rest of you, the dark and the light both still reside within me.
As long as we are in human form, we are imperfectly perfect. It's really quite beautiful. The question is - can we accept ourselves despite the never-ending faults? Can we have compassion for our fragile wounded egos? I find myself working on this quite frequently these days. Mercury being in retrograde has only compounded this. It's been kicking my ass pretty good this time around. So, I ask myself, how do I acknowledge my flaws while simultaneously having compassion for myself AND taking responsibility for my behaviors? Humbleness. And humbleness can only be learned through experience.
It really is such a bizarre, yet astonishing dance. We swing from doubt to self-righteousness - back and forth, over and over. In between those extremes is where we find that humility and equanimity. These more "desirable" states don't last, but we sure can cherish them while they're here. After all, polarity is one of life's principles. We'll have a much more easeful, enjoyable ride if we can learn to honor the duality within us all.
My name is Melina. I'm an Intuitive Healer who's been on her own profoundly challenging and intensive healing journey the last 2 1/2 years. Prior to this time, I was already very focused on holistic nutrition and natural healing modalities. But things shifted drastically after my communion with Mother Ayahuasca in the summer of 2015. I've since learned invaluable lessons about myself, as well as the nature of the reality on Spaceship Earth. Though what I went through was total and complete hell for quite a while, I knew I was going through it not only to heal my (and my family's) wounds, but also to eventually help support others in their healing process. Through working with my Shamanic Healer, a Somatic Experiencing Therapist, my Intuitive Health Practitioner, and many other healers, I have compiled quite the tool chest. My most recent discovery was the Medical Medium. Much of the diet related suggestions I give come directly from him - as he has helped restore my physical health. Other than authoring Steemit articles, I'm an artist, an advocate for personal sovereignty, and wife of the amazing Chuck Williams (Dash Digital Cash UI/UX Tech Lead). As I continue to heal from chronic illness, I'm working more and more at being an Intuitive Self-Development Adviser (a label I hope is descriptive and clear about the gifts I offer in supporting others). Blessings on your healing journey. <3