Whether it is in a relationship, at work or at home, there are times when you agree to something and later on you feel terrible for not having been firm.
The fear that many men have about being direct is that they will end up being perceived as rude. Not many people want to be seen as jerks. You can be assertive without being mean. After all, there is nothing great about being agreeable and then later in private you really feel terrible. You can follow a few tips on how you can be firm without being rude.
Plan the conversation in advance
If you do not want your emotions to get the better of you during a conversation, make sure that you have planned the whole exchange ahead of it happening. As you practice more, you will see this getting better. Before you approach the person you want to have a firm conversation with, practice that conversation on your own and decide the direction you would like the conversation to follow.
Anticipate confrontation
If you have been letting people ride roughshod over you for a long time they will not give up this privilege without a fight. So when you decide to become firm, you should anticipate that they will offer some resistance. The people you love and care about would usually want to use emotional blackmail to make you feel as if you are being mean. Do not give in to these tactics. When you anticipate how the people you are dealing with will resist, then you will be more prepared to deal with the situation. Incorporate this into your practice session.
No need to explain yourself
When you decide to be firm, do not try to explain yourself. For example, when someone starts thinking that you are their bank and comes asking for money all the time, sternly tell them it is not possible. Do not offer a long explanation concerning why you will not give them the money. When you do this, you sound as if you are apologizing for being firm. When you do, the other person will start to counter your reasons.
You will notice that once you start being firm, people will start respecting you. People generally tend to respect a person who does not allow himself to be pushed around. When you put an effort to remain polite even when you are being firm, people will know that it is not personal. You will just need to remember that being assertive is a skill that will take some time to learn. Start off small and grow yourself into it. When you become a master of being assertive without being rude, you will realize how easy your life will become.