In a fantastic turn of events for Secretary Clinton Satirically Yours is happy to announce what appears to be a nearly complete recovery from conditions that may or may not potentially include various degrees of dehydration, allergies, flu, pneumonia, dementia, Parkinsons, cancer, and/or tertiary syphilis. Many people, especially within the mainstream media, echoed their concerns for her health and well being along with literally dozens of people who poured out their concerns about her political aspirations over social media.
When asked about her recovery she stated- "Well at first I was getting worse, and you know I had that little fainting episode at the World Trade Center on 9/11. They took me to Chelsea's hosp... apartment and I met with a nutrionist there. He told me about GMOs and factory farm conditions. It was really the first time I was in a space to hear it. You know? And he said I should try a whole food raw vegan diet. And wouldn't you know, I FEEL GREAT!!!" She immediately started opening a line of pickle jars to demonstrate her athleticism.
We asked her "Well, you are certainly looking great and well. Can you tell us about the results so far?"
She was happy to reply- "Sure, so far in the last 4 hours I've lost 10 years of wrinkles off of my face, my voice and pneumonia conditions have healed overnight, and I've dropped around 50 pounds!" She gets up from the couch and starts doing a dance as if Satirically Yours had the budget to have a film crew a la Ellen. "I'm in exceptional health now."
We asked if we could tour the facility and she said "Unfortunately no, we have a very sick elderly member of our family back there that is suffering from extreme medical conditions. She's likely still contagious and at this point we're afraid she's immuno-compromised." She gave a quick smile and said "I have to get back to campaigning now, but thank you for your interest and well wishes."
We have to hand it to the Secretary and the diet. She sure appears to have changed things around overnight.
