In an unlikely turn of events the Clinton Presidential Campaign has announced her departure and suspicious activity this week was to attend a dubstep/electronic music festival headlined by Bassnectar in rural Ohio. The move surprised many as the flashing lights, loud sounds, glow in the dark lights, flights of stairs, excessive molly consumption, and beach balloons seem like real obstacles to the former first lady who admits to a variety of health conditions.
Hillary announced the cause of her absence at the completely live and not in any way green screened speech delivered out of Greensboro, NC.
"You should have seen the speakers at this place. I was standing right in front of them and I couldn't even fit my arms across them." Said the olive green/hazel eyed Clinton.
Onlookers, admirers, and cult followers cheered and applauded her decisions. One noted feminist in the crowd stated.
"She's an empowered woman. She gets to make decisions about herself, her body, and her location. No man, and no voter gets to decide that. Take this unrelated example as a potential case- if an epileptic woman wants to go to a music festival and experience drugs, loud music, and flashing lights that's her choice. Even if she falls, has a seizure, and suffers additional brain damage that would be her choice as a woman."
Candidate Trump was not available for comment, but his staff did release the following statement. "As everyone knows Hillary and Donald Trump are opposed on nearly every choice in this election. Trump is an avid Skrillex fan and thinks the combination of disgusting base drops and high pitched industrial harmony far surpasses the low grumbling mutated sounds of sicknastry Bassnectar rolling bass lines."
Candidate Clinton admits that the woman seen after the 9/11 collapse coming out of Chelsea's apartment was her friend Wendy who exchanged clothes with her as a favor to help Clinton sneak out for the concert.